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10:32 a.m. - May 16, 2007
The Dems For 2008
As I said yesterday, let’s look at the Democrats running for president. As for the GOP, they had a debate in South Carolina last night, and they all played the “I’m a real conservative – they’re not” cards which of course will help them run to the base of the base (the base base, I guess) but in no way will win the general election unless the Democrat’s candidate runs a campaign about as well as…well…anyone besides Bill Clinton since LBJ in 1964.

(Yes, I know Carter won in 1976, but Ford’s campaign was a mess. Especially after he made the “Eastern Europe is not controlled by the Soviet Union” gaffe, he had no traction.)

Let’s size ‘em up, shall we?

Hillary Clinton – New York - When Liz and I first got together, some of the wisenheimer ladies of BFE land nicknamed her Hillary. I guess because her haircut at the time resembled Ms. Clinton’s, and she was intelligent and smart. I don’t think it was because Liz had some quasi-legal land deals in Arkansas, or had good timing on some commodities trades.


Say what you want about Clinton, and if she’s the nominee the GOP will, she’s tough and smart and has been an effective senator. In fact, amongst the Democrats running for president, she has the views that are most aligned with the GOP. She’s also stood by her man, even though he is who he is. He needed a 12-step program! Hillary vs. Paula Jones or Monica Lewinsky? Puh-leeze girlfriend…

I think I just made Rush Limbaugh’s head explode when I said her views are the most in sync with the GOP of any of the candidates. Heh.

Actually, I’m secretly rooting for her to win, because of the precedent it would set, and it will be entertaining to see Hannity and O’Reilly’s head explode as well. Good times!

Barack Obama – Illinois - He’s intelligent and smart and says almost all of the right things, but somehow I think he’s getting a lot of support because some people want someone like Dennis Haysbert or Blair Underwood as president.

“President Dreamy…er…Obama…this question:”

I’m glad to see the Republican’s have their smear machine up and running early with that “Osama – Obama” thing and his middle name, which is Hussein. One of Katie’s best friends has the last name of Hussein. So stick THAT in yer eye.

We shall see how this plays out. I think the most credible GOP candidates for president are Condi Rice or Collin Powell (though they’re not running…sigh), and if it would be Rice or Powell vs. Obama, then we’d see a bunch of heads asploding in various secret compounds.

John Edwards – North Carolina - Many of us, like me, were wondering if it was possible for Kerry and Edwards to switch places in the last election. Alas, that wasn’t possible.

But Edwards, while sounding good for us progressive types, has a couple of obstacles in his way. For one, it’s hard to convince some people that he cares about the middle class and indigent when he’s got piles and buckets of money that he made as a lawyer. (OK, I know that no one running for president is making $12.50 an hour somewhere, but still…)

Secondly, he recently got a $400 haircut. $400! John, John, John…come to BFE land. I can hook you up with my barber, Jerry. He charges $12.50 AND when he’s evening up the back he puts hot lather on your neck. You can’t beat that with a stick, John. Come and try it!

Bill Richardson – New Mexico - He’s been a long time player in the Democrat party and he’s finally going for the brass ring. His record in New Mexico is pretty good, except for the fact that he claimed he was drafted by the Kansas City Athletics in 1966. However, that was the early years of the major league draft and records were shaky, and notifications to the players were also tenuous at times.

He has experience in the White House and in foreign policy, so he’d be no neophyte there.

One thing, though, is that for the longest time I did know he was Hispanic. The name Richardson threw me. It’s like a Swede name Feinberg, I guess.

Joe Biden – Delaware - Joe, Joe, Joe. You should stay in the Senate and keep people like Carl Levin and Robert Byrd company. You know, go hit the Senate cafeteria for the early bird special!

He’s run for president twice, and both times he’s had some…issues.

His first run ended in 1987 (after he had some traction as a front runner) because of allegations of plagiarism. That’s a shame, because any goober would have been better than Dukakis, as it turned out. Now, he was in hot water over some remarks he made about Barack Obama. The remarks were true, but Biden just didn’t say it in the right way and they could have been construed as racist by some that are alarmists about things like that.

So Joe, just go back to the Senate and keep yer yap shut, got it?

Chris Dodd – Connecticut - Um, who? Oh, yeah. He’s another one that should probably join Biden in the booth at the Senate cafeteria.

Sorry, Chris, you’re more than a dark horse. You’re, um….let’s put this blunty.

You’re not going to win…

Dennis Kucinich - Speaking of lost causes, Heeeeeeeere’s Dennis!

Though it is nice to have him around just because you know he won’t grovel and waffle on his positions. He is what he is, and while many Republicans have that trait, the Democrats seem to be serial shape-shifters when it comes to that at times.

With Kucinich in the race, there’s no need for Russ Feingold to be in the race to represent the left-wing of the party. And that’s a shame, because Feingold’s got more of an attitude about him.

He’ll stick around to the very end, again, because while he may not run a winning campaign, Kucinich knows how to run one economically!

Mike Gravel – Alaska - It’s the Ron Paul for the Democrats!

He’s like Gus, the fireman on Leave It To Beaver in that he gives sage advice and teaches lessons that Beaver doesn’t listen to until its too lake. But unlike Gus, Gravel is also feisty. Just check out this exchange with Chris Matthews, Serial Interrupter:

Stay off of my lawn, and keep your dogs out of my rhododendrons. Damn kids…

Donkeys Braying In The Breeze - Al Gore, of course, looms large. If he decided to run, he’d probably win or at least shake up everything. However, do we really want to govern by power point? Can you imagine Gore negotiating with Putin using a laptop with a remote mouse and pointer? “Now, Vladimir, as this slide shows….”

General Wesley Clark made a nice run in 2004 and I’m surprised that he’s not trying it again. And then there’s John Kerry. If he runs again, I am moving to Canada.

There you go. Now you’ve got 1 ½ years to decide. Choose wisely!


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