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10:57 a.m. - April 26, 2007
The Penguin Knows!
Because you shouldnít let me into a store with a credit card, I recently bought this for my office for shinola and giggles whilst I was at Satanís Discount Store.

Yep, itís a toy penguin that moves around to tunes, and shows lights and what not. Hey, itís a lark. The bad thing is that the speaker for plugging in the MP3 player is pretty lame-o, so itís not much use as that. But a burned CD in your computer works well if you put it right by the speakers.

So thatís what Iíve been doing at work.

Now, I wanted to test Mr. i-cyís reaction to some tunes from my collection, so I burned a CD of all kinds of falderal and what not, and well, letís see what the penguin thinks, eh?

1. Happiness Ė The Anita Kerr Singers. It seems to really enjoy the whitest song known to mankind. The soul-less vocals have the penguin flapping its wings and shaking to-and-fro and the light show is wicked. I think itís the simple rhythms and classic 60ís pop production.

2. Who Does He Think He Is Ė The Dave Clark Five. It didnít take long for the penguin to get into this one. Itís a classic DC5 stomper, 4/4 on the floor with heavy sax and bass anchoring the song along with the drums. Of course, the rhythm is emphasized on a DC5 song, since Mr. Clark was the drummer. His band, his sound!

3. Everything I Own Ė Bread. Ah, Mr. Penguin is displaying a very tasteful light show here, and quietly and softly flapping his wings during the quiet beginning, but during the chorus has decided to go back and forth, swaying to the tunes. I think the penguin is longing for Mrs. i-cy.

4. Never My Love Ė The Association. Another one for the penguin to get mellow to. Almost too mellow, I think. Wake up, Mr. Penguin! Ah, there are the lights! Itís making a neat little pattern there, like itís seen the movie OffOn or something.

5. Wait Ė The Beatles. Does Mr. Penguin like the Beatles? Well, letís see. Itís not as enthusiastic as it was during the DC5 song. Perhaps the Penguin prefers stronger beats. Oh, wait, there he goes. Maybe he just needed to get into the music, eh?

6. Over Under Sideways Down Ė The Yardbirds. Triangles! The penguin started out with a triangle pattern and then went wild with a light show and it didnít take long for the side-to-side shimmy and the flapping. It really likes Jeff Becks sinewy guitar line. Well, who doesnít?

7. Sympathy For The Devil Ė The Rolling Stones. The primal beat of this classic Stones song has brought out the best in the penguin. He seems to approve, as all of the lights are multi-colored and showing in definite patterns based on the beat and the piano line. But toward the end of the song, Mr. Penguin has tired out a bit. Címon, i-cy, get to it!

8. Magnolia Caboose Babyfinger Ė Blue Cheer. Ah, some heavy Blue Cheer has woken up Mr. Penguin here. Well, somewhat. This isnít as heavy as they get, but still, itís got a heavy guitar line but the drums are a bit subduded, so Mr. Penguin isnít as enthralled, I guess. Maybe heís still recovering.

9. Theme From An Imaginary Western Ė Mountain. Does Mr. Penguin get into some lumbering, turgid, proto-metal from the late 60ís / early 70ís? Kind of. Itís not totally overjoyed but itís giving a good effort. But you know, itís more of an effort than the crowd at RockFest in 1970.

10. Rock And Roll Band Ė Boston. Is the penguin a child of the 70ís? Well? I donít know. He doesnít seem that enthralled with this slick, corporate rock product. Not even when I tell him to honor the memory of Brad Delp does he put much effort into it.

11. Renegade Ė Styx. Mr. Penguin seemed to like the a cappella vocal intro. Iím having trouble figuring out what exactly trips his trigger here. Oh, but he does seem to enjoy THIS slick, corporate rock. Perhaps itís Tommy Shaw.

12. Get Off Your A** And Jam Ė Funkadelic. What does the i-cy think of the funk. Ah, this is a new light pattern and itís moving and grooviní big time to it. So, the penguin wants me to bring the noise and the funk. Well, letís just seeÖ

13. Boogie Oogie Oogie Ė A Taste Of Honey. Ah, a disco classic. Great bass work and the disco beat has the penguin enjoying this one. By the way, what happened to them, anyway? I mean, they were talented and all (just listen to the bass and guitar) but after two years, pffftÖ

14. 52 Girls Ė The B-52ís. The penguin approves of the B-52s. The lights are going wild. Of course, the beat is loud and strong, so thatís probably it.

15. North American Scum Ė LCD Soundsystem. I think the penguin is really more into dance music than anything. Though the wing flapping is a bit slow on this one. Heís rather much swaying a bit, too.

16. Push It Ė Salt ĎNí Pepa. GET UP ON THIS! I think the penguin was created with this song playing, because it hasnít missed a beat yet. Oooh-baby-baby! Push it real good! For me, I still like Spinderella the best, but I was always an iconoclast.

17. Bring The Noise Ė Public Enemy. Well, perhaps the penguin is more urban than I think. It seems to enjoy disco and rap more than faceless rock from the 70ís. Well, um, perhaps itís the faceless rock of the 70ís fault?

18. Nothing Means Nothing Anymore Ė The Alley Cats. Now we shift gears on i-cy to see how he reacts to more alternative forms. This is proto-rockabilly punk from the early 80s and he seems to enjoy it. Well, whatís not to enjoy. Itís got a lot of energy and it kicks serious ass and takes serious names. So, yeah. Heíd BETTER like it if he knew what was good for him!

19. Rise Above Ė Black Flag. Ok, time for some hardcore punk? What does i-cy think of early Rollins-era Black Flag? Itís a tepid reaction, but the lights seem to be bouncing a bit. Itís too bad the penguin canít pogo. That would be a sight!

20. Here Comes Dudley Ė The Jesus Lizard. Hello, Mr. Penguin? Hello. Ah, there he goes. Maybe the penguin was intimidated by David Yow? Well, wouldnít you? Ok, maybe not. But itís still loud!

21. Orphans Ė Teenage Jesus & The Jerks. The penguin loved the martial beat. I donít know what he felt about Lydia Lunchís caterwauling, though.

22. The Mob Rules Ė Black Sabbath. Letís see if i-cy is a headbanger, or at least a flipper bangerÖwell, itís a different light pattern that what Iíve seen thus far and it does seem to be shaking side to side more than in the past, so yeah. I think it is. But those are pretty slow flaps, but at least itís flapping.

23. Angel Of Death Ė Slayer. Ok, this is a test for the penguin. Can he handle Slayer? Can he? Penguin? Hello. Hello??? Uh-ohÖAh, OkÖ

Well, I think the penguin is like me, it just like tunes. Thanks for indulging me today. And rock on, peeps! Wooooot!


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