11:23 a.m. - January 23, 2007
All of a sudden, I was not here. I knew it was not of this Earth. Sure, it had some the trappings of this planet, as I was in a large room, but everything seemed different. I wondered if I had watched too much of the Science Channel’s program on planets, and been cast to whatever is under the swirling winds of Neptune.
This room was empty except for one chair. The walls were slate gray, and the room itself was pretty large as empty rooms go. When I walked on the floor, the sound echoed throughout the room. No one could sneak up one me, I guess. Not even Chuck Norris.
All of a sudden, I saw a beam of light emanating from the ceiling. I looked toward the light (which, of course, was probably a mistake. Indiana Jones would never look toward the light, ya know) and trembled. Then I heard a powerful, booming voice.
Smed, please take a seat in the chair!.
Well, OK. Sure. The chair looked comfy enough.
Smed! You have bought a lot of music in 2007. I need to explain your actions.
Why? You’re not Liz! I don’t have to explain my purchases to anyone but her, and then she just shakes her head.
Smed! It’s not the quantity of music. It’s the combination of music. You could be upsetting the universe. There may be disharmony.
Just who are you?
That is not important right now. What is important is that you justify what you bought this year.
So, what. You want me to give a word about everything I bought on iTunes and via CD?
Yes. If your answers are worthy, you will be able to keep your collection. Else, in order to save music in the universe, we will have to destroy parts of your collection.
Now wait a minute – it’s not like I have illicit music. I never download illegally and all of the stuff I bought is commercially available.
Yes, but it’s the personal combination of the material. It’s a complicated harmonic reaction. Now, let us begin the inquisition.
Ohhhh boy…OK. This is what I get for eating queso dip and watching the White Rapper Show on VH-1 before I go to bed.
Let’s get to the music that shouldn’t cause an issue. First, the Fairport Convention.
Yes, I bought a 20th Century Masters collection, dipping my toe into them. Excellent stuff, and I need to examine that 1969-72 period further. Richard Thompson is a genius, and the updating of classic folk tales in a modern way is still astounding.
I see. Jeff Beck Group with Rod Stewart as vocalist is acceptable. Two more King Crimson albums, Smed? Going all in with Fripp, eh?
Yes, and there’s another live set that I need. It’s just astounding stuff, really.
You didn’t have “Trouble” by Lindsey Buckingham?
Oh, yeah. I just missed that.
More Los Lobos and 10,000 Maniacs and some Yaz! Your friend Janet did you a favor then?
Yes, she included a couple of songs and that caused me to dive in to get what I missed and never had on CD.
Martha and the Muffins? Very nice choice, Smed!
Thanks. They are terminally underrated.
Golden Earring! You know, if I was paying attention back in the 70’s, I would have made sure everyone also knew “Candy’s Going Bad”. But I was more worried about Vietnam at the time.
Ah, yes. That’s a great one it is. Love the wah-wah guitar.
”Star Drek” always cracks me up.
Same here. “Warning, this is a plot complication!”
Ah, finally got the last Posies album.
Yes. I don’t know why I waited. It’s decent, and if you really like them you’ll love it.
Ok, I see no problem with The Adverts. One needs old school punk. Also, that’s a nice Chi-Lites tune, a good one from Bill Withers, a tasty Creedence cut, Richie Havens, Public Enemy, Johnny Thunders and the Heartbreakers, and a good selection from Todd Rundgren, Blue Oyster Cult and Translator. And your friend Judith got you onto Matt Mays & el Torpedo.
Sure. Yeah. So you approve of those, right?
Yes, but now the questionable ones. Men At Work? A Flock Of Seagulls? Billy Idol? Depeche Mode? Pat Benatar? Paul Young? What is this, a VH-1 clip show?
Hey, that’s my era, and you need to reclaim the songs from your era. Sure, I wasn’t the biggest Benatar fan in the world, but there’s some really fine stuff she did, like “Little Too Late”, or “Treat Me Right.” And while I’m not a zealot, some Depeche Mode stuff is decent. For whatever reason, I didn’t have “Hot In The City” nor the full length version of “I Ran”. And the guitar work on “I’m Gonna Tear Your Playhouse Down” is tremendous.
You also got an Ann Peebles version of that last one.
Yeah, I thought it was the original, but it’s a fine fine remake in a jazzy way. Definitely, I’d recommend it.
But you didn’t get so lucky with the Fun Boy Three.
No, I didn’t. It’s actually remakes done by one of the members of the band, and I should have looked more carefully. I think some people needed some cash, quickly.
Yes, Falco. Darn VH-1 show – his stuff got in my head. Well, at least the two songs I knew that were available. You still can’t get the original “Der Kommisar”, though.
Hey, I remember Shannon Hoon when he wrested at McCutcheon High School. I did the PA for some meets back then, and you never forget a name like Shannon Hoon. Anyway, they did a few good songs. It’s music that won’t change the world, but it makes you feel decent and you can dance around like an idiot in a bee costume once in a while.
I’m also questioning why you got those ABBA tracks, and some Diana Ross. Are you telling us something with “I’m Coming Out”?
No! Have you heard the guitar part on that song? It’s great. And for a mix, I needed one of the ABBA songs, and I realized that there were a couple of others I wanted as well.
Ok, I suppose. But then we go from the sublime to the ridiculous. Paula Abdul? New Edition?
They’re catchy and I have a weakness at times for well put together catchy pop songs. I mean, who can resist “Candy Girl.”
Well, you have a point there. Same goes for that Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock cut. I still dance to that up here. Now, that Gentrys song you bought was popular, but it’s kind of wimpy, but that’s OK I suppose. Why that obscure Bread song?
Because I always liked it, that’s why!
Oh. Yeah, it’s not bad. Just doesn’t sound like them. Now, you have all of this pop stuff, but then there’s your Iron Maiden, your Celtic Frost, your Slayer, your Kittie and Motley Crue. What’s up with that?
Hey, everyone needs to rock!
Yes, but it’s like matter and anti-matter – and then you added the Bay City Rollers and Glen Campbell. Smed, this is what we were talking about. The juxtaposition can be dangerous.
Now, wait a minute. Sure the Bay City Rollers aren’t great art, but they have their own flair and it’s just fun music. Glen Campbell had some classics, and then even poppy stuff like “Southern Nights” has a neat groove. Sure, it’s way away from “Procreation Of The Wicked” but you know, it’s all about how it makes you feel at the time, and there are times for both.
So I guess that’s what you’d say about Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson, and John Anderson. You had a hankering to hear “Swingin’?”
Gosh, yes, that’s a fun song even if it is way corn pone.
Ok, I can see Cypress Hill, Puff Daddy, and Notorious BIG, since those are some classic 90’s hip-hop songs, and you are a little insane in the membrane. But…2 Live Crew? WHAT??? Smed….that’s most disappointing.
Hey, I’m not proud, but what can I say. That’s a very infectious little song, you know. It may be a bit offensive, but it’s put together well and the use of the sound clip from Full Metal Jacket was pure genius.
Yeah, I’ll give you that. But now there are two bands you have slagged on for years and yet you bought stuff by them? Explain your Genesis and Emerson, Lake and Palmer purchases.
Well, I’ve always been intrigued by Genesis with Peter Gabriel, and iTunes just had a few songs from that era, so I went and bought three early albums on CD. They’re pretty decent, and I’m going to write about prog rock in general later on. As for ELP, well, a lot of their stuff is way way over the top, but when they concentrated on updating pop songs they were tolerable. I said tolerable.
And the Moody Blues?
Oh, they’re OK in small doses, especially when you don’t have to sit through the ponderous poems of pretension.
Now, the most serious offenses. First, a Steve Perry SOLO cut.
Hey, it’s not one of the big hits, and “Strung Out” does rock a bit. It proves that he was an excellent rock vocalist that unfortunately loved to sing those mush-headed ballads.
Yes. You have a point there. Just as long as you never buy “Oh, Sherrie” or anything from Journey after they kicked out Ross Valory and Steve Smith, you will be OK. Now, here’s the one that could cause you to lose a lot of your collection, so be careful and choose your words wisely...
Ok, I’m ready.
Umm……ummmmm…..ummmm…..you’re right. There’s no excuse for Kenny Loggins.