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11:06 a.m. - September 20, 2006

Wabash College Travel Mug

Early today, the Wabash College Travel Mug passed away suddenly when the top of the mug was melted in the heating element of the dishwasher in the Smed household.

Travel Mug came into existence two years ago as a giveaway at an Annual Fund dinner. Since then, it has faithfully served, keeping hot coffee hot and cool soda cool, without complaint or hesitation. Until the tragic accident Travel Mug was in nearly pristine condition.

Travel Mug will be taken to the landfill in Crawfordsville the next trash day. Survivors include Mr. and Mrs. Capital University Travel Tumbler, and the Howard W. Sams Coffee Cup With Secure Lid. Memorial donations may be sent to the Starbucks of your choice.

The Tuesday Journal and Courier

The Tuesday copy of the Lafayette Journal and Courier passed away at 4:30 PM yesterday when it was accidentally shredded by the youngest child of the household.

The newspaper had delivered its content to the adults of the household already, and was waiting peacefully for recycling when it was set upon and torn asunder. Efforts to save the newspaper were futile.

This newspaper is survived by the Tuesday copies of the Crawfordsville Journal Review and The Paper of Montgomery County. There will be no services, but the remains will be sprinkled into the cat box to help absorb odors.

Kristin’s 3 Month Left Baby Shoe

Left Baby Shoe met a sudden demise Tuesday when Sundance, the cat, batted it across the room, pounced on it, and ripped it with his teeth. Before then, it was separated from her spouse, Right Baby Shoe, which is currently in the back seat of the Honda Accord.

Left Baby Shoe was worn three times by Kristin, and then used mostly for an item to put in her mouth when she was teething. Lately, it had been appropriated for use as a cat toy by Butch and Sundance, leading up to its demise.

Left Baby Shoe will be interred in the trash, and will await the eventual demise of Right Baby Shoe, providing the Accord gets cleaned out at some point.

Peace And Quiet At The Dinner Table

Peace And Quiet, on life support for most of the past six months, passed away loudly and clearly Tuesday night, when Kristin’s voice reached a new octave level, and Katie incessantly chattered about how Kaden threw up at preschool, and it was colored red and gross looking and his mommy had to come and get him.

Peace And Quiet had been ill for many years, since Katie had learned to speak at the dinner table. When Kristin was brought on board and sat in her high chair, then Peace and Quiet was on life support and passed away.

Preceding Peace and Quiet in death were Romantic Date Night, Deep Meaningful Conversations In Front Of The Fireplace, Scrabble Games Under Candlelight With Wine, and His And Her Lingerie Shows. A wake for Peace And Quiet will be held on Saturday night.


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