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3:21 p.m. - May 20, 2005
Eudora to Smed: If you hit \"Check Mail\" one more time, all of your folders will become corrput!

It is days like this that can drive a person like me insane. Scratch that, since you all are thinking “PEOPLE like you? God help us all!”, and along with the inevitable crack “Drive you insane? I thought they already dropped you off there.” – let me rephrase that.

It is days like this that can drive me up a wall.

I’m an email zealot. I love it. I enjoy hearing the ‘doink doink’ sound at work when I get an email (I have the Law and Order noise-thing as my email notification sound). Yes, I get disappointed when it’s some spam that bribed its way past the filters we have here at work. (Probably slipped the software a quick $20 on its way to my inbox). I also get a little down when it’s just basic automatic messages, bad jokes from my brother, or some list serve traffic that doesn’t appeal to me.

But I love working with email – and I love receiving emails from friends and colleagues all over. And better yet, I love sending it. I do tend to get wordy on occasion via email. I know, big shock.

This is in direct contrast to my boss, FBI. He can track a serial killer with half a shoeprint, but as far as technology goes, forget it. He’s old school – I mean seriously old school. His way does work for others around the campus as well, and I’ve made adjustments at work to call or go see people if they’re resistant to email. But soon, the email borg will envelop them and they will be forced to assimilate. (Bwahhahahaah!)

I like getting business emails (and yes, I actually like my job) as you can disseminate information quickly to a lot of people, exchange documents and generally get business done quickly.

Emails from friends are always welcome because they provide a respite from the day. I can waste an hour or so with someone bantering back and forth using email (and I have too!) (Oh, FBI and Diamond better not see this essay, perhaps I should delete the link from my email signature….Nah!)

But of course, there’s the jokes, the quasi-ads that look legit (especially in my field, those tend to sneak through the spam filter because advancement is not congruent to penis lengthening, as far as I can tell), and other things that can clog up your inbox, if you let it! The biggest thing I ever learned in email was the delete key, so you can tell that piece of mail to begone without even opening it. (And then go into your trash folder and zap it for the coup de grace, or sleeper hold for you rasslin’ types).

But today, today is not a good email day.

Most of my colleagues are out of the office today – there’s not a lot happening. The listserves seem slow and the Guru is on his game today, so the questions I can answer he seems to get to first. I think the Guru needs to get some more clients, so he can let others have some glory. (Just kidding!!!! Please don’t kick me off the faculty!)

But my fiends…er….friends seem to have all flown the coop today. AJ is traveling, City Mouse is off-site, and the Candidate is busy in mega-hella-project mode. The Goddess is also mega-busy trying to appease the unwashed masses. TC has a new job and is no doubt on the road. Mac is busy being an engineer, making space safe for you and me. Moose is no doubt dreaming of new ways to take your money and ship you your videos. And while I have good, nay, great friends at work, it just seems weird to email them when I can go walk over to them and shoot the breeze. (Well, except for Sid, but he’s trying to get a media guide done, so he’s swamped too.) So no time for mindless electronic conversations today.

So what am I doing, besides writing this essay, which is really tantamount to nothing? Well, I do have things to do and I’m doing them – it’s just that I’m running reports and brainstorming and waiting for people to call me or email me back about some questions I have. But this is kind of a slow day, a perfect day for aimless chitter chatter of the electronic sort.

This is the kind of day that the Goddess and I would spend three hours killing just riffing back and forth, from one tangent to another.

Now some have called me a bit obsessive. Actually, I’m the one who admits that, readily. I think I’ll put “OCD” on my business card next to my name, like it’s a professional designation. And I’m living up to it today. About every five or ten minutes, if I see no new email notifications, I click onto my Eudora program and hit “check mail.”

Yes, I know hitting that button won’t make someone email you. (But what if it could – say The Candidate senses I’ve hit ‘check mail’ and suddenly out of the blue comes this email from her, like she was compelled to send me something, anything. That would be a neat power to have. Not like being able to turn water into wine, or turn scrap cardboard into cheesecake, but a neat power at any rate.) But I’m so doggone punchy today that I just do that, because you never know when the program that’s worked perfectly for the past two years may fail to retrieve your mail.

Heavens, to live with my brain is an adventure that you wouldn’t subject your relatives to, I swear.

So, today, being left to my own devices, I don’t feel alone, or unloved, or wondering if I pissed someone off, or bugged them to death. (I have HAD all of those feelings at some point when people don’t email me, but meds can do wonders for you nowadays. Well, meds and a nice merlot or cabernet. Or a good bitch slap from someone. Anyway….tangents ahoy.) I just feel kind of alone, with some imminent big news but nothing to report yet, big stress based on the big news not being news yet, and the stress of needing to get things done before I take a couple weeks off based on the news, but not having the gumption to really do much today.

And about all this above, never mind. Instead of email, I’ve had two great phone conversations with my friends and am waiting for a third. Which is really even better than email, except you can’t save the conversations in a folder, but I’m sure the folks at Cingular are working on THAT issue. So, I guess I’ve wasted your time lamenting about being alone today. Pity. If you want it back, then you can fill out the proper forms and I’ll get you your time rebate in 8 to 10 weeks. Offer void where prohibited.


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