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12:14 p.m. - April 01, 2008
You Too Can Be A Consultant
One of the things that a partner always emphasizes to us when we’re thinking about a report for a client is “What are the takeaways??”

That tells us to think on a global, 30-thousand feet level and think about the real key issues and not get bogged down into the minutiae.

Though, for me, as you know, the minutiae is kind of my raison d’etre and other fancy French words that I don’t really know. (See, I took Spanish – less pretentious snobs and more chicks in high school!)

So, with that, I want everyone to play consultant. What are the takeaways from these three famous ZZ Top Videos? What would you tell an executive, board member, or top volunteer are the key points as illustrated?

Here are my key points:

1. Always trust weird looking dudes that appear out of nowhere and hand you a magic key ring.
2. If you want the man of your dreams, you need to dress like a slut (also known as The Sandy / Grease observation). Especially if the man of your dreams is a fry cook.
3. Every girl IS crazy about a sharp dressed man.
4. Old men like porn just as well as young whippersnappers.
5. No matter how good the food is, stay away from lunch counters where everyone treats you like a total low life loser. When bikers are the nicest people in the joint, run!
6. If you want your boss to lighten up and people to respect you even though you have a crappy job, just score with some hot chicks in halter tops. He’ll come around, eventually. Or if not, then three chicks, dude!
7. Never trust a mechanic that daydreams while he’s supposed to be working on your car. Mind you, dreaming of hot cars and hot chicks may be better than changing the rings on an Impala, but I’m paying to get my car fixed, dang it.
8. Scarves make the man.
9. Neckless guitars are only cool when Billy Gibbons plays them.
10. White people in ZZ Top videos can’t dance.
11. If I had that red car, well…wait, I can’t have that red car. There’s no place for car seats!


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