11:58 a.m. - February 07, 2008
These Songs Won't Be On The Next Hannah / Miley Album...
As I was watching the young Ms. Cyrus� moment in the sun in 3-D (the Hannah Montana movie, of course) there was one song that she sang during her stint as Miley Cyrus that used the phrase �it�s so easy� during the chorus.
Katie was bopping along to the song, but my mind was a-wanderin�. For some reason, the phrase �It�s so easy� stuck with me, and not because of Cyrus, but because of a great song from my younger days that used that phrase.
This song would NOT be appropriate for a young teen star to be crooning to her tween fans, but sick mind as I have at times, I couldn�t let it go.
So then I thought of other songs that wouldn�t make the cut, and finally came up with a list of 12 songs. Yes, these are 12 songs that will NOT be on the next Hannah Montana / Miley Cyrus album, for various and sundry reasons. I tried not to be TOO obvious, and actually picked songs that I think she COULD sing, but it wouldn�t be right in oh so many ways. You probably can guess what the reasons are, but you know, just play along, huh?
1. It�s So Easy � Guns N� Roses. Yeah, right. Miley could get away with singing this one, sure. She�s got a voice that could emulate the evil Axl voice, though. This is such a kick booty song, though. Just never mind the misogyny, here�s Guns N� Roses!
2. Sex (I�m A�) � Berlin. In the immortal words of Chris Hansen, �Why don�t you have a seat right over there?� You know, if Britney covered it it�d be just par for the course, now.
3. Passage To Bangkok � Rush. Miley / Hannah�s band has the chops to do this song justice, and Miley can actually reach the notes in the original recording (unfortunately Geddy can�t very often anymore. But seriously, the subject matter of this song wouldn�t be good for such a clean-cut teen, of course.
4. Death On Two Legs � Queen. For one, I don�t think Miley should wear Freddie�s outfits. For two, can you imagine her singing, �And now you can kiss�my ass goodbye!� Not to the Jonas Brothers, you can�t!
5. Yummy Yummy Yummy � The Ohio Express. In 1969, this was rather innocent. Ok, semi-innocent. Now? Cue Mr. Hansen�
6. My Generation � The Who. �I hope I die before I get old.� Not something Katie would want to hear.
7. Hit Me Baby One More Time � Britney Spears. Oh, can you imagine the outrage if she deigned to cover this song?
8. Paranoid � Black Sabbath. Not that I wouldn�t mind a darker turn for Miley once in a while (how can you be so incessantly cheery and upbeat, anyway?) but I think this may be more of a sharp veer into the abyss.
9. Suck My Left One � Bikini Kill. I can almost seeing her pull of �Rebel Girl� on a �very special episode�, but this one? No way, no how.
10. Doll Parts � Hole. I think about 20 security guards spring into action if Courtney Love is within 20 miles of Miley Cyrus.
11. Mama Weer All Crazee Now � Slade. Billy Ray Cyrus maybe coulda shoulda done this, right? Actually, no. Hell, only Slade should do this. And actually, Miley could have covered it if it wasn�t about whiskey, and just about kids going crazy!
12. Pour Some Sugar On Me � Def Leppard. Again, Mr. Hansen will ask you to have a seat. This is catchy and goofy enough to be one of her songs, but just what is this �sugar� anyway? And if she ever sang, �I�m hot / sticky sweet� I think Billy Ray would nip that in the bud�
I�m sure there are a bazillion more, but those are 12 I just thought of off the top of my head. Now I think I need to take a shower, or go to confession, or both�
