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10:55 a.m. - September 07, 2006
These People Also Need Privelege Protection
I watch a lot of crime shows on TV, especially the Law & Order series (well, I’m weaning myself off of Law & Order: Un-Stabler Victims Unit). And you know, many times they will have a perp or a lawyer claim “privilege”.

As far as I can see, there is privilege with your spouse, with your attorney, with your doctor (including therapist) and your priest. That’s all well and good.

I mean, who else are you going to tell that you chopped up the neighbors, doused them with quick lime, and buried them out past the old bridge if not your wife, lawyer, therapist and religious leader. That’s what they’re THERE for!

But I think others need privilege as well, or at least they need to keep their fool mouth shut, ya dig? Because there are things that people do and say that no one else needs to know about - not the neighbors, the cops, or anyone.

So who needs privileged conversations? Who needs the “don’t ask / don’t tell” treatment?

CVS Workers - This goes from the pharmacist all the way to the stock boys. If you are walking up to the counter with a package of Depends, mascara, Astroglide, a copy of Field and Stream and a bottle of vodka, nobody needs to know that! They should keep that all under their hat, you know? I mean, really. - No one needs to know that you secretly bought the best of Jay and the Americans, especially the people down at the ‘cool’ record shop where you get all of your indie 7” records on special order. The same thing goes for iTunes as well. It’s no one’s business that you downloaded 19 Chicago songs from the 80s last night, is it? Didn’t think so.

Your Local Adult Store Purveyor - I really don’t need to elaborate, do I?

Your Waitron - Now, drunk driving isn’t cool, so the bartenders really should cut you off after a few whiskey sours, but as for food? If you want to have that deluxe bacon cheeseburger and a vat of fries, washed down with a double hot fudge shake and blueberry cobbler, then go ahead. If they want a big tip, the waitrons shouldn’t squeal, should they?

Your Poker Buddies - Ok, so you lost $150 the other night and now your best friend has the new riding mower and dibs on the wife if you should pass away, or she wants to experiment with alternative lifestyles. That’s not something that needs to be shared.

TiVo - Ah, TiVo, always gathering and sending information to whoever. Well, again, if that information leaks out, then your hip and trendy credentials could be blown. Instead of watching important cinema on the Independent Film Channel, TiVo could really tell everyone that you were watching “Naked Came The Secretary” on Skinemax, and then, at 1:30 in the morning, a showing of the “Backyardigans” where they are pretending to be secret agents sneaking into a museum.

Blog readers - Shhh….people read things posted on the internets and sometimes those things posted on teh internets are secrets. Keep them quiet, mmmmkay? I mean, if they wanted people to know about it they’d put an ad in the newspaper.

Well, I think that’s a good start of a list of people that we need to keep our confidence and establish privilege. Now, let’s start lobbying the statehouse and your local city government. Who’s with me????


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