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11:02 a.m. - March 09, 2006
Slow Cookin' With Nascar
The Sunday paper is amongst my most favorite thing in the world.

And now I get two of them!

Well, thatís by necessity. When we moved to Crawfordsville, we dropped the daily Indianapolis Star because the sports news would be a day old, basically. But we kept the Sunday subscription because of the other sections. We also get the Journal Courier in Lafayette. Itís a smaller paper, but itís got up to midnight sports and a good selection of local and national stories.

Sundays before (and after) church Iím usually buried in the Sunday paper. I read every section, and reread the news, opinions, and business sections, and keep the sports pages by my side all day.

(Oh, if I lived in the NYC area, Iíd probably have four newspapers delivered to my house each day. Iíd be swimming in newsprint. Itíd be great!)

But you also know what this means?

It means I get TWO-TWO TWO coupon inserts instead of one.

Actually, thereís usually two inserts in each paper, but still itís double-shock power of coupons.

Now sometimes, the coupon booty is disappointing, and sometimes, well, itís scrumptious.

Especially when all of the Pillsbury and General Food coupons are in those inserts. Biscuits, crescent rolls and Grands! Cinnamon Rolls for everyone!

But along with the coupons, come the ads for all kinds of things. Mostly cheap crap, like address labels, checks with Strawberry Shortcake on them, Franklin Mint collections and the like.

Theyíre laughable, really.

Sometimes you get fast food coupons, too, which I sometimes cut out and sometimes avoid, depending on how good Iím doing with my eschewing of all things fast food.

This past week, Rallyís had an ad for their ďLoaded FriesĒ for $1.99.

Now French fries are bad enough, and when there was a Rallyís near where I lived I used to just totally gorge myself there, with a few rally burgers and their fries. Waddle, waddle, and all.

Their fries seem to be real potato, and theyíre fried with some seasoning as well. Theyíre just darn good.

But now, theyíve loaded Ďem up.

You can get chili cheese fries, bacon ranch fries, and bacon cheddar fries for $1.99.

So take something that is bad for you, and dump on things that will cause your cardiologist to think about upgrading his yacht.

You have your cheddar cheese, and your bacon, and add that to French fry goodness? Yum.

Then they have the bacon cheddar ranch fries for $2.29. They call them fully loaded.

Actually, I think fully loaded fries would be bacon cheddar chili cheese ranch fries. Go on, dump it all on there! I mean, you only live once, and you gotta die of something!

But I think the pinnacle of coupon insert ads came the other Sunday.

Amongst the ads for plates that have a Pomeranianís look of devotion staring straight at you for just $29.90 (and no, itís not the least bit creepy, at all) came one for these.

Yes, thatís right. Itís NASCAR Crock Pots!


Yes, while you are slow cookiní yer stew, you can be reminded of your devotion to your favorite NASCAR driver.

I mean, Joe Nemecheck can help you cook your pot roast. What more do you want?

(Itís also funny that this is totally out of date, since Rusty Wallace retired, and Bobby Labonte and Travis Kvapil drive different cars, but hey!)

I mean, you canít get entertainment like that. In fact, the dial even sort of looks like an RPM dial in a race car.

Now, the settings are low, high and warm. Excuse me, I thought Ďlowí in a crock part was Ďwarmí. HmmmmÖ

Could this catch on with other sports? Could you have a NFL slow cooker, where players like Peyton Manning or Shaun Alexander look right at you while you are making chicken and noodles?

How about the NBA? Thatís another market thatís untapped for them. An Alan Iverson crock pot Ė thatís street cred, yo!

Do they use these things in Europe? Iím sure soccer (er, football) players and F-1 drivers could sell bunches of these, right?

Perhaps not Ė this may be just suited for NASCAR, or maybe the fishing or poker tours as well.

Anyway, so take your Pomeranian Plate, and dole out the grub from your Kasey Kahne crock pot, and have at it!


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