11:32 a.m. - March 01, 2006
Yeah, me too!
For about 12 hours, I’ve been down.
Yesterday I kind of got unhinged about some Girl Scout cookies, and they weren’t even thin mints. What was I thinking? And then I stood my ground because I was arguing some ‘principle’.
Last night, on my way home from the basketball game I was covering, I left a message for someone and now I am worried about bugging them to death because I also sent a follow up email. So I’m doing all I can not to over-OCD there. (Hah!)
I just got all squirrelly about the schedule that’s coming up for me in the next few days. Tomorrow, I have the dentist, and two long-ass meetings, and then a father-daughter event at preschool. Now, the event will be wonderful, but the day preceding it, not so much.
Friday I have to cover a sectional game, and since it’s the tournament, I don’t know if I will have to cover a game Saturday or not – so my plans are in limbo for the weekend right now.
And today I have to get a project done. Actually, I finished the draft of it and sent it along. But it was still a pain in the kiester, just not as daunting as I thought it was going to be. However, that project also uncovered some data holes we need to fix.
So I was definitely in a funk for most of the morning. Not a Smed-funk, an actual USDA Prime funk. Even listening to “Organic Anti-Beat Box Band” by the Red Hot Chili Peppers couldn’t get me out of it for a while. I just stared at my computer screen and went, ‘blah…’
Actually, it’s not all THAT bad. But for a while this morning, I just felt overwhelmed a bit, a bit blue, a bit sad, a bit non-Smedlike. Full of being and nothingness, to quote and olde fartre like Sartre. When I’m blue, my OCD really kicks in and I get all worried, and I feel alone like people don’t really like me for me, just like me for what I do for people.
And I think all I offer are pop-culture quotes, smirks and winks.
“Hello, it’s Mr. Insecurity, here! Can I help you, even though I think I’ll fail miserably at it and leave you longing for more?”
(For a while, a friend and I use to say we were ‘insecute’ – because I mistyped that once. It was a running joke for a while…)
But I think can get my way out of it pretty easily.
I can think of the girls. I can think of my friends, both real and internet. (I wasn’t going to say ‘imaginary’ friends, because I know you all are real people. I mean, I have 99 individuals who are allegedly reading me daily or a few times a week (I have more buddies, but some double up!), plus others on the notify list, plus some other friends who cruise on in once in a while.
I can think of my work, my job, and how important it really is. I know I’m damn lucky that I’m doing something I’m good at, that I’m recognized for, and it’s for something I really believe in.
So I’m lucky, and I know it. And I clap my hands because I’m lucky and I know it and I’m not afraid to show it.
Also, because of my next mix-CD projects, I’m listening to a lot of stuff that had been buried on my iPod for a while, and songs like “All Stood Still” by Ultravox really can brighten my day.
I have a list of about a dozen topics to write about in the next two weeks. Those topics include:
• Songs banned from elementary school music days.
But I felt it was a good day to just write about my gut, my feelings right now and how I’m emerging from the morass of my mind, and going on to seize the next part of the day.