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11:32 a.m. - March 01, 2006 Yeah, me too! For about 12 hours, I�ve been down. Yesterday I kind of got unhinged about some Girl Scout cookies, and they weren�t even thin mints. What was I thinking? And then I stood my ground because I was arguing some �principle�. Last night, on my way home from the basketball game I was covering, I left a message for someone and now I am worried about bugging them to death because I also sent a follow up email. So I�m doing all I can not to over-OCD there. (Hah!) I just got all squirrelly about the schedule that�s coming up for me in the next few days. Tomorrow, I have the dentist, and two long-ass meetings, and then a father-daughter event at preschool. Now, the event will be wonderful, but the day preceding it, not so much. Friday I have to cover a sectional game, and since it�s the tournament, I don�t know if I will have to cover a game Saturday or not � so my plans are in limbo for the weekend right now. And today I have to get a project done. Actually, I finished the draft of it and sent it along. But it was still a pain in the kiester, just not as daunting as I thought it was going to be. However, that project also uncovered some data holes we need to fix. So I was definitely in a funk for most of the morning. Not a Smed-funk, an actual USDA Prime funk. Even listening to �Organic Anti-Beat Box Band� by the Red Hot Chili Peppers couldn�t get me out of it for a while. I just stared at my computer screen and went, �blah�� Actually, it�s not all THAT bad. But for a while this morning, I just felt overwhelmed a bit, a bit blue, a bit sad, a bit non-Smedlike. Full of being and nothingness, to quote and olde fartre like Sartre. When I�m blue, my OCD really kicks in and I get all worried, and I feel alone like people don�t really like me for me, just like me for what I do for people. And I think all I offer are pop-culture quotes, smirks and winks. �Hello, it�s Mr. Insecurity, here! Can I help you, even though I think I�ll fail miserably at it and leave you longing for more?� (For a while, a friend and I use to say we were �insecute� � because I mistyped that once. It was a running joke for a while�) But I think can get my way out of it pretty easily. I can think of the girls. I can think of my friends, both real and internet. (I wasn�t going to say �imaginary� friends, because I know you all are real people. I mean, I have 99 individuals who are allegedly reading me daily or a few times a week (I have more buddies, but some double up!), plus others on the notify list, plus some other friends who cruise on in once in a while. I can think of my work, my job, and how important it really is. I know I�m damn lucky that I�m doing something I�m good at, that I�m recognized for, and it�s for something I really believe in. So I�m lucky, and I know it. And I clap my hands because I�m lucky and I know it and I�m not afraid to show it. Also, because of my next mix-CD projects, I�m listening to a lot of stuff that had been buried on my iPod for a while, and songs like �All Stood Still� by Ultravox really can brighten my day. I have a list of about a dozen topics to write about in the next two weeks. Those topics include: � Songs banned from elementary school music days. But I felt it was a good day to just write about my gut, my feelings right now and how I�m emerging from the morass of my mind, and going on to seize the next part of the day.
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