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2:05 p.m. - February 22, 2006
Ain't No Flim Flammin' In My Blood
Thanks for all the comments, links and emails about the essay I wrote on the Iowa idiot. Although it seems that idiots about in our midst everyday, I know all of you are good people, in your own special, unique ways.

I think it’s safe to say that

And while we have a theme of idiocy, I’d like to touch on a couple things I received, on the same day.

I wrote this about spam in the mailbox, and since then instead of saving spam I’ve been deleting it. It’s been the same old same old.

But then, I received this little gem in ye olde mailbox (and not even in the spam mailbox).

Date: Tue, 21 Feb 2006 03:16:44 -0800 (PST)
From: "Mrs Rita Morham" Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
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Subject: Glorious Offer From Morham's Family

From Mrs Rita Morham
Rue 14 Avenue 8 Zone 4 Abidjan
Cote D' Ivoire.

Dearest In Christ,

I am Mrs Rita Morham from Kuwait. I am married to Mr. Richard Morham who was the chief executive director of mobil oil and Gas producing company here in Cote D' Ivoire for eleven years before he died in the year 2004.We were married for thirty six with-out a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days.

Before his death we were both born again Christian.
Since his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $3.5 U.S Million in a Bank here in Abidjan.

Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next Eight months due to cancer problem. Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein.
I want a church that will use this fund for rphanages, widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavor that the house of God is maintained.

The Bible made us to understand that "Blessed is the hand that giveth". I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don't want my husband's efforts to be used by unbelievers.

I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way. This is why I am taking this decision.

I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that "the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace".

With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Bank here in Abidjan. I will also issue you an authorisation letter that will prove you the new beneficiary of this fund.
I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shephard. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that Wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth.

Please always be prayerful all through your life.Contact me on my email any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing another church or induvidual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein. Hoping to receive your reply.

Remain blessed in the Lord.

Yours in Christ,
Mrs Rita Morham.

Ah, scamming for Jesus. I think I’ve been solicited for this from several countries, but nothing had the God Squad after me.

Then, on the same day, I was downstairs in the office and a fax came over and it was from a Mr. Jack Williams. His email was and his efax is 206-339-3265.

It was addressed to the CEO/President and it was the typical scam. He’s the Head of Delegation to the World Bank in West Africa and he’s the linkman between OPEC and the petroleum sector of a West African country and he’s got a whole bunch of oil money but he can’t claim it because he’s a civil servant, blah, blah, blah.

I wonder who is gullible enough to still fall for these little schemes. But some people still want to get rich, quick, without any effort at all.

A couple times, my little devious mind thought about things like this.

For one, there was this radio show on sports radio I used to listen to when I drove late at night after covering games. Basically, it was a 30-minute shill for his 1-900 service where he would offer “guaranteed winners” for a price. (If you’re not into sports betting, don’t worry, I won’t get into it here).

A lot of these schlubs are just preying on the hapless gambling addicts, hoping they could offer insight on games like LaSalle against Saint Louis, or Weber State against Northern Arizona. Well, if you’re betting on games like that without a connection to either school, you have a problem.

The cost for these calls would be $29.99 or $39.99 and they’d always ask you to make even more calls for *more* winners (so I read). So I thought why not invest in a 1-900 number and charge just $5? Every day in the morning, I pick winners, put ‘em on a tape, and then away we’d go!

But the more I thought about it – the more I thought it would be unethical. I mean, I could use the money, but even as much as I think those ‘experts’ are full of hooey, I would be passing myself off as one of them.

Then, as a result of a lot of televangelist sightings in the news, and my discovery of ol’ Trapezoid Head, who has the power to knock over people in a carefully choreographed way with just a wave of his hand, I thought that I could do that, and be just as sincere as those clowns are.

Spread the good word, make a little cash, it’s the American way, right?

Well, of course I came to my senses soon because anecdotally, I have heard that a lot of the people who give to these ministries are the people who really can’t afford to give money to them. If you want to give to the men of God (it’s your choice) – it’s better to give to churches and organizations in your town.

Clean up your own backyard. Oral Roberts won’t be there for you, but someone from your town may be.

So, I guess I’m not cut out for the flim-flam game.

Which is OK by me? I saw “The Grifters” – and that didn’t really work out for anyone, did it?


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