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3:43 p.m. - January 22, 2006
A Monty Python Quiz
In honor of Meany getting home from Iraq all safe and sound in one place, and to honor that she once gave me a reference that eluded me, I have devised this quiz.

This is a quiz from episodes of “Monty Python’s Flying Circus”. The answers are taken straight from the scripts compiled as “All The Words”. Mind you, there may be variations of these sketches in movies and on record, but this stuff is from the actual television show itself.

I tried to make this quiz so that the hardcore ardents may have to think about an answer or two, but the neophytes could still get a couple of them.

Are we ready? Let’s begin!

1. In “Episode 12B – How To Recognize Different Trees From Quite a Long Way Away”, what is Number One?

2. In Ewan McTeagle’s greatest work, how much does he need to mend the shed?

3. How do you pronounce “Raymond Luxury Yacht?

4. How is your majesty like a stream of bat’s piss?

5. What is the diocese of the dead bishop on the landing?

6. What is rule #6?

7. What are the words never to be used again on this programme?

8. What happens when you say mattress to Mr. Lambert?

9. What happened to the excrementally runny Camembert?

10. What can you buy on the excursion to the Roman ruins?

11. What does Mr. Praline show as proof that he has a cat license?

12. What did Dennis Moore steal from the rich and give to the poor?

13. What did the Hungarian say to the Tobacconist when he was trying to buy matches?

14. What slogan do they say after the song “Lemming, Lemming, Lemming of the BDA?”

15. Instead of a simple block of flats, what did the first architect design?

16. What town sends its own version of “Njorl’s Saga” to the BBC?

17. Who won the cup final in 1949?

18. Who won the all-England summarize Proust contest?

19. Who did Jack Bodell beat on “Boxing Tonight” from the Empire Pool, Wembley?

20. Who is running as the National Bocialist candidate in the North Minehead by-election?

21. With what phrase does the hygiene squad want the Whizzo Chocolate Company to replace the legend “Crunchy Frog”?

22. Where does the not-at-all naughty chemist have to go to get the halibut or sea bass requisite?

23. What is the randiest of all gastropods?

24. In the Vocational Guidance Counselor’s office, what animal does Mr. Anchovy think is a lion?

25. What kind of insurance policy does Devious sell the Reverend Morrison?


1. The larch…the larch…and now…
2. Fifty pounds. He’s right on his uppers.
3. It’s actually pronounced “Throat Wobbler Mangrove”
4. He shines out like a shaft of gold when all around is dark.
5. Leicester. It’s tattooed on the back of his neck.
6. There is NO rule six.
7. B*m, B*tty, P*x, Kn*ckers, W**-W**, Semprini
8. He puts a bag over his head, and the staff has to get into a tea chest and sing “Jerusalem”.
9. The cat’s eaten it.
10. Cherryade and melted ice cream and bleedin’ Watney’s Red Barrel.
11. A dog license with the word ‘dog’ crossed out and the word ‘cat’ written in crayon.
12. Lupins. And he happens to know that this is the Lupin Express.
13. “My hovercraft is full of eels.” He said, “I will buy this record, it is scratched” when he was asking for cigarettes.
14. “It’s a man’s life in the British Dental Association.”
15. An abattoir.
16. North Malden.
17. The Wolverhampton Wanderers beat Leicester 3-1. Marx answered, “The workers control the means of production. The struggle of the urban proletariat.”
18. Technically, no one won, so they gave the prize to the girl with the biggest tits.
19. Sir Kenneth Clark, and now Bodell is the Oxford Professor of Fine Art.
20. Mr. Hilter,
21. Crunchy raw unboned real dead frog.
22. He’s going to nip down to the Kensington branch.
23. The limpet. The hot-blooded little beast with the tent like shell is always on the job.
24. An anteater.
25. The ‘Neverpay’ policy, which leads to an intervention by The Bishop!

And now for something completely different….


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