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10:38 p.m. - January 13, 2006
Some Weird Stuff
Well, Iíve known for years Iíve been a weirdo.

Iím out of the mainstream. Iím in with the out crowd. Iím the avant to your garde.

Or something like that.

Hell, who am I kidding? Iím not that odd.

Sure, I have a memory of obscure and inane facts. Sure I delight in the sublime AND the ridiculous. Sure, Katie air guitars and sure Kristin and I dance to White Zombie. What seven-month old doesnít like the pounding riffs of ďBlack SunshineĒ?

Sure, right before Liz and I had a romantic dinner, I was singing ďTom SawyerĒ by Rush, out loud, and trying to hit the Geddy Lee notes. Because my mind is not for rent, to any God or Government. Etc. etc. etc.

Sure, I can be iconoclastic, stubborn, prickly, argumentative, nonsensical, belligerent, obtuse, arcane, idiosyncratic, thrifty, brave, clean and irreverent.

But I like me some sports and beer and rock and roll. I wear a tie to work, drink coffee (alas, itís decaf, but thatís because of my BP, not by choice), play hoops at lunch, and go home to try to have some quality time with the fam. Itís almost white-bread America.

Well, except for the research into 19th century baseball, obscure music trivia, bad MST3K gags, and the ability to remember almost every Monty Python sketch known to man. (Alas, though, Meany tripped me up once. But I knew the sketch once she gave me a hint or three.)

But I guess I could be termed as having some weird qualities.

Listen, do you want to know a secret? Do you promise not to tell?

I can tell you these five oddities of mine.

1. I love beer. I love wine. But I donít drink hard liquor, nor do I drink mixed drinks. Yes, itís true. The last time I did shots was at my bachelor party, in 1994. I had my fill of shots that night, for sure. Thereís a whole story of me leaving the sleaziest dive here in BFE land and walking out to the used car lot next door to give the cars a new paint job, then stumbling home and missing the porn-a-palooza in my honor, but thatís beside the point.

My best friend Moose and I used to play a heinous trick on each other. If one of us were meeting the other late at our favorite bar, the person who got their first would have a couple of beers, then when the other person arrived, stone cold sober, the person already there would order shots of Wild Turkey. Now, drinking a shot of Wild Turkey with a couple beers in you is one thing Ė straight cold sober is another. Sm-o-o-o-o-th. That was when I was much younger, and that game just doesnít have the appeal anymore.

But I think my whole aversion to hard liquor was lessons learned my freshman year in College. I burned my eyebrows after a bout with a vodka bottle. I was trying to light a smoke on a gas stove.

Smirk all you want. I deserve it for that.

2. I donít like nuts. And I donít like peanut butter. Never have. Never will.

This has been a challenge normally in the procurement of candy. I donít like Snickers bars and some people think that I am from another planet when I say I donít like them.

For some reason, the taste of the nut added to the texture of the nut totally creeps me out.

And what red blooded American kid didnít like peanut butter?? Me, thatís who.

Katie could live on peanut butter sandwiches. More power to her. She could have mine.

3. I love college basketball. I think itís a requirement here in Indiana, but I love it with all my passion. Iím such a zealot that I have my own power rating system for all of the D-1 AND all of the D-3 teams in this fine country of ours (and Iíll be cranking those out soon).

I also write these elaborate NCAA tournament pick essays (way before this site existed, and believe me they will be posted here for your office pool needs) that bring on the snark along with the analysis.

Thatís not SOOO weird, well except for wanting to know exactly how good Yeshiva is compared to Loras, but whatís weird is my TV viewing habits.

I will try to watch any college basketball game on DirecTV, but given a choice between the big name games, and games between, say Quinnipiac and Brown, Iíll choose the latter.

The little guys need some loviní. Just tonight, I was watching Siena against Marist.

Someone has to.

4. I once got into a huge argument with someone at a friends house about politics, and it almost resulted in blows.

Sure, thatís not unusual on its face, because my politics, for BFE Indiana, arenít in the mainstream (i.e. I donít vote a straight party ticket and lean a bit left, which means Iím a Godless Pinko around here) but the subject matter was.

It was politics of the 1840s, specifically a debate on the Whig Party.

Now time and beers have caused the actual text of the argument to be lost in the sands of the hourglass, however, I did slam a friendís cordless phone to the ground and almost take a screen door off its hinges in the Ďdiscussioní of the Whig Party.

Hey, at least it wasnít a debate on the Know Nothing Party.

5. When Iím putting dirty dishes in the sink, I never put them in the side of the sink that holds the garbage disposal. I always put them in the other side.

In fact, I will fill up the other side of the sink to the absolute brim, before even thinking of putting a dirty dish on the side with the garbage disposal.

Because you never know when you gotta run that sucker. There could be an emergency disposal incident and you must have access at that exact moment.

So there are five odd things about me. Now, if you desire, you may do the same. Go ahead, I dare you.

Is that good enough, Violet? Now can you tell Neal Peart to stop the drum solo in my bedroom? Iíve got to sing Liz to sleep, after the loviníÖ.


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