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12:20 a.m. - September 20, 2005
Dear Smed - Advice for the Lovelorn
For some reason, I feel compelled to read the advice columns in newspapers. At times, I think thatís an easy gig. People write in with all of their problems and worries, and you dispense some advice that may or may not work. At any rate, you send a message that you do care about their problem, even if the advice you gave was totally wrong for their situation.

Hey, I could do that. I can care. So why not letís see how I would do as an advice columnist?

Dear Smed,

At times I feel like the world is a vampire draining me of my soul. I feel a lot of betrayal and pain, and at times I feel like a naked, feral animal. On the outside I am cool and cold, but I have a lot of rage inside. A lot of rage, and I feel like a caged rodent, like a rat in a cage. Tell me, Smed, how can I break out of this and feel good about the world?

Billy C. Ė Chicago

Dear Billy Ė

Donít take things so personally. Dude, youíve got to lighten up. Your friends are just kidding you. Disarm them with a smile, and theyíll probably stop picking on you, OK? Otherwise, youíll always be a zero to them.

Dear Smed,

I have a problem. My ex-girlfriend is now with my best friend, and Iím still in love with her. She still makes me flip. Sheís also quite a flirt because sheís always make contact with her blue eyes while sheís dancing down the street at night, underneath the starry skies. At times, I have to bite my lip, because I still have a reaction of love. What should I do about this?

Ric O. Ė Boston

Dear Ric Ė

Itís tricky when youíre ex-girlfriend is dating a good friend of yours. You seem to have accepted that relationship without much trouble, so what you need to do is accept them for who they are, move on, and just let the good times roll. Iím sure down the road youíll find just what you needed.

Dear Smed,

Iíve been living with this woman for quite a while, but Iím tired of her. I think weíve been together too long and the relationship is just worn out. I was reading the personal ads the other day and one caught my eye. This letter basically spelled out everything that I like to do, but havenít done with my old lady. Stuff like getting caught in the rain, getting amorous late at night in the dunes of the cape, and drinking pina coladas. Now I have half a brain and I know the relationship Iím in is going south. Iím tempted to respond to this ad and have her meet me at OíMalleyís. I really feel I need to escape. Should I respond?

Rupert H. - LA

Dear Rupert,

Have you sat down and talked to your Ďold ladyí recently? What if she likes some of those same things? It would be pretty awkward to throw away a relationship just because you havenít sat down and honestly discussed what you really like and dislike. Do you know if she likes yoga or health food? You need a reality check before you go on this escape. Otherwise, this may just be a one-hit wonder fling, and youíll be out a potentially groovy long term relationship, dig?

Dear Smed,

Thereís this girl who I really like, and I think she likes me, but sheís always got this hurt look on her face. It looks like sheís been hurt quite a bit, and sheís afraid that if she gives in someone will sock it to her again. I know I can make her happy and satisfy her. Sheís like my dream come true. How can I convince her that not every boy is going to hurt her, before she gives up on love?

Donny O. Ė Salt Lake

Dear Donny,

She may think that the whole darn batch of men are spoiled. Youíre just going to have to give her time. Take it slow and easy. You know what may work? Invite her for a walk and give her a nice fresh apple to eat down by the lazy river. Couldnít hurt.

Dear Smed,

My parents are driving me up a wall. I overslept and my parents still made me go to school, even though I missed two periods. Sure, I was caught smoking, but my Dad smokes like a chimney. And I was just grounded because Mom found a Hustler in my bedroom. They rag on me for my clothes, and my hair, and the music I play. Dang, I just want to be a normal teen and have let loose and have fun. Itís not fair! I have to fight for the right to have just a few friends over after school. What can I do?

Mike D. Ė Brooklyn

Dear Mike,

Man, youíre lucky you have parents that care! While sure, every teenager does like to party and have fun, with all of the stuff that youíve done, youíve got to earn the trust of your parents again before you can have any functions at your house again. Partying is NOT a right, itís a privilege.

Dear Smed,

I just hit the wall. Iím in my late 30ís and Iíve been married since I was 24. I have two kids and a husband, who makes a nice living as a CPA. In fact, heís the only man Iíve ever been with. Iíve been on some anti-depressants for a while, but I think Iím losing it. I go back to when I was graduating high school. I had these dreams of stardom. I was going to be a star, or at least in music videos. Now I find when Iím driving my SUV around, I only listen to music from that era, and anytime thereís a movie with Emilio Estevez or Molly Ringwald in it, I have to watch it. I canít deal with stuff in this generation, like American Idol, because itís not the same as it was when I was a kid. My kids are getting sick of Springsteen, Madonna, and Blondie. They say Iím stuck in the 80ís and I embarrass them with my uncool ways. What can I do?

Debbie Ė Dallas, TX

Dear Debbie Ė

I hate to tell your kids, but 80ís nostalgia is going to get hip again very soon, as soon as VH-1 makes another ďI Love the 80ísĒ series. Donít worry about what your kids think, enjoy what you like. As for your dreams of stardom, many people nearing 40 often look back with regret at the life not lived, however, what you need now is to reach out and grab all the gusto you can.

Dear Smed Ė

I had to go away, and I miss my girl Ė itís been a long time that weíve been apart. I canít describe my love for her, because I donít want to restrain myself. I often dream that sheíll walk through that door, and she will take all my sorrow away. There is no one like her, and I just want to be loved by her. How can I cope with this? I imagine the things we do, and that makes it worse.

Klaus Ė Germany

Dear Klaus Ė

Itís hard to be apart from a loved one. However, in this day and age, if you can, call her on her cell phone, text message her or email her. If you can get one of those camera cell phones, then you can send photos back and forth to each other. There are plenty of ways to keep in contact, and when you do get together, Iím sure it will feel like a hurricane of emotions rocking you both. Good luck!

Well, how did I do? Do you think I helped these poor souls?


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