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12:10 a.m. - August 27, 2005
A Universal Truth And Some Head Scrathers
Some of you may recall this entry, where I lambaste a few song lyrics over an open flame for the good of the order.

Well, I’ve spent a lot of time with my tune collection, making mix CDs (I’ve shipped off two sets this week and have another set coming up soon that’s in pre-production right now), and I’ve stumbled across some more wretched, inane babble passing as deep thoughts.

However, before I get the skewers out, I’d first like to extol and song that has universal truth in it, especially for those between the ages of 15 and 75 (and maybe above, depending on how one is feeling).

This song, I think, really gets to the heart of what the human experience is all about, on one very significant level. It talks right down to earth, in a language we can all understand.

This song wasn’t a hit single, but it was a fairly popular song for a very popular act in the early to mid 1980’s. You younger kids have no doubt heard of this band, and would be well served to Google this song and dig what I’m talking about.

The song….”Everybody Wants Some!!” by Van Halen.

Yes, the classic cut off of “Women and Children First”, where David Lee Roth (who I am guess wrote the lyrics) really spells out a universal truth in the chorus.

Alex Van Halen is pounding out a tribal rhythm, Michael Anthony is anchoring it all with a guttural bass, and Eddie Van Halen is…well…Eddie Van Halen-ing all over the place. Dave just gets right to it.

The verses? No, let’s not worry about the verses here. They don’t matter. In fact the second verse I think is just made up babble. But I’m here to dissect the chorus, line by line.

Everybody wants some!! – Of course, everybody wants some. Sure, there may be times in ones life where at that particular moment or instant in time, depending on the personal circumstance, wanting some is not an option. But, at some point, in the near future (relatively), everyone WILL want some. Some will want some more than others, true. But trust me, you will want some. And sooner, rather than later, you WILL want some.

I want some too!! – Who would argue with the fact that David Lee Roth wants some? I think David Lee Roth wants some 24-7-365, no matter what he’s doing or where he is at. Even today, when he’s hiding his sad, sad hairline in a series of unfortunate head scarves and caps, David Lee Roth wants some, too.

Everybody wants some!! – You repeat something, and you drive home the truth. If you are gay, or straight, or bi, you will want some. If you are a hermaphrodite – you will want some. I do realize that certain people will not be able to get some because of the promises they have made to themselves, or their deity – or even in the vocation that they chose they may not be able to get some. But getting some is different than wanting some, as we have all learned. You may not be able to successfully attain some, but that does not affect your desire for some.

How about you? – Well, how about you? You can’t tell me that at some point in the past 30, 60, 90 (seconds, minutes, days, weeks…work with me here) that you didn’t want some! Even if you couldn’t have some, if it was physically impossible, or mentally not right to get some, you wanted some. And it’s OK. We’re all here. Group hug (and that may lead to some…but let’s keep that between the consenting adults, shall we??)

Now then, after that, Dave extemporizes. He’s merely stating his preference to (what I assume is) a young lady. And you know, it’s just a request that she move (again I assume it is a female, though a vixeny cross dresser or she-male is NOT out of the question) a little more to the right. Nothing wrong with that.

So, as you see friends, Everybody Wants Some!! tells a universal truth. The mere fact that you are breathing (or actually, still reading this) confirms this hypothesis that yes indeed everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY, wants some.

Now I’d like to move on from that truth to a bunch of…well…a bunch of hooey.

The first load is by a band I really like, Cream. (For the kids, this a supergroup in the late 60’s featuring Eric Clapton, Jack Bruce and Ginger Baker. You may know that Clapton fellow). Cream wrote a lot of great, timeless tunes, but one of them, one song I dearly love, is just way too out there.

I’m talking plastic fantastic lobster telephone out there.

“SWLABR” – which I think means “She Walks Like a Bearded Rainbow”. First off, I am NOT going to get into what I think that means. Yikes.

Second, some of the lines in here?

“You’ve got that rainbow feel, but the rainbow has a beard.”
“But the picture has a moustache.”


Later on they state that many fantastic colors make them feel good.

Well, I should hope so, if you’re seeing bearded rainbows and pictures with moustaches then you’d better feel good, buckaroo.

I mean, I love this song. It’s great. But I need my soul to get psychedelicized, and then I may get the meaning.

The next song that I am floors me is an innocuous little ballad by a band called Bread. I do like Bread, believe it or not, stemming back from my days as an AM Radio DJ. They’re pleasant and harmless in small doses, though I do think the song “If” should be banished from the planet. If I hear that song at another wedding, I’m going to cause some trouble. Serious trouble. Like, all time wedding serious trouble.

But the song “Diary” is just soooo inane. (You young kids, you better google this or download it. Warning, though, you’re going to have to brush your teeth afterwards, it’s sticky sweet!)

First off who the hell leaves a damn diary underneath a tree? Sure, there are many places on the web to read other’s diaries. (Uh, like this one, I suppose, eh?) But if they’re on the web, then obviously they’re supposed TO BE read by others. I’m assuming this was an old-school diary, with a lock and key and little unicorns or hearts on the cover.

Well, she’s a loser for leaving a diary out where he could see it. But HIM, he’s a double loser, because he immediately thinks he’s reading about himself (Oh, did I give away the ending…oops!). And he’s shocked and awed by what he read. (And you know he is, because the gentle wah-wah guitar comes in, which of course is universal for surprise and alarm, mellow style.)

He becomes a double loser by finding her and telling her what she wrote about HIM, and she’s all “whatever, dude, tra-la-la, tra-la-la-la...” Of course, he thinks she’s still being coy, Roy. Moron. Idiot. He’s already making wedding plans. Next thing you know, he’ll create origami rendering of the cake and the ceremony, and videotape them for her in stop-motion.

Then he read the thing again. What, she didn’t go get the damn diary? She let HIM keep it? These losers may be meant for each other anyway. Oh, he finally gets that she’s not talking about HIM; she’s talking about another dude. So he’s all “I wish you the best”, and will then go about creating a secret shrine to her.

And this song was quite popular, believe it or not.

The final songs are ones that was fairly popular back in the 90’s. Billy Corgan and the Smashing Pumpkins made a lot of great records back then, but on “Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness” they rather much pushed the envelope.

For one, “Bullet With Butterfly Wings”, for whatever it meant in the verses before the chorus (oblique and dense at best) just loses it with the famous chorus “despite all my rage I’m still just a rat in a cage.” I bet rats in cages get pretty darn ticked they are in a cage to begin with, so having rage doesn’t necessarily mean it’s incongruous to be a rat in a cage. You know you’ve written a dud when shows like Mystery Science Theater 3000 use it for a couple of gags every time they show a rat in a cage.

But the song that got to me the most was “Zero”, when they drop the moibus strip of “Emptiness is loneliness and loneliness is cleanliness and cleanliness is godliness and God is empty just like me.” For one, I’d like to see proof that loneliness IS cleanliness, and you better show your work Mr. Corgan. Second, it is said that cleanliness is NEXT to godliness – not that it IS godliness. And godliness doesn’t make you God. Otherwise, all the people in the house with raging OCD would be running the universe right now. (Oh, they do? Nevermind.)

Then, of course, Corgan says, “Intoxicated with the madness, I’m in love with my sadness.”

Oh, who does he think he is, Morrissey? Shut up Billy, and go count your money.

These songs just struck me as songs where in order to be deep and meaningful the songwriters either tried too hard, or didn’t even try at all. Unless they were meant as jokes (and I wouldn’t put it past anyone for SWLABR to BE a joke. The other two? Not so much, knowing who we’re dealing with here.)

I think I’m going to go lie down and think happy thoughts – maybe about some! That’ll take my mind off of it. Or I may try to find a bearded rainbow. Just for kicks.


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