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11:19 p.m. - June 19, 2007
Something I Didn't Wanna See
Ok, you’re going to get a lot of me in the next couple of days. Buckle up. See, I’ll be gone some in the coming days so I need to make up for future lost time, you know.

Well, my mind is active right now, and I’m seeing a lot of things. Like this tidbit of news from the heartland– a public service announcement of sorts – that I feel compelled to share.

As I was driving to get Katie some new goggles for swim class, I saw a young man, aged about 18-22 or so, talking on a cell phone.

The street I was on (Grant Avenue, for those of you playing the BFE home game) is a pretty busy thoroughfare, normally. It’s the preferred street for people on the west side (West SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE…Represent! YO!) to take when they’re going to the strip mall / chain restaurant extravaganza south of town.

So, you know, like people are always on the street.

This street has sidewalks as well, and they get used regularly. There’s a big ol’ hill that people like to walk / run / bike up and some people walk to the shopping extravaganza because they have no automobiles (yes, this is true).

People walk their dogs along the street as well. This young man I saw was walking his dog.

This young man also decided to go topless in public. Now, I no longer have the guts to go sans chemise, but, to each his or her own. Ca plane pour moi, I think. (Yeah, I think, hell if I know. Que sera sera. There, I know what THAT means, at least. I knew Doris Day and Sly Stone would be good for SOMETHING).

So let’s recap. I saw a young man, walking a dog along a busy street, shirtless. You may be thinking, “Nothing to see here. Move along.” Really, he wasn’t much of a hottie (not that I know, really). He was kind of pale and skinny and had one of those 2 ½ day goatees with a baby moustache and a buzz cut.

So, why the hell would I notice this guy, especially when I don’t swing that way towards ogling the male persuasion?

Well, it was his trousers, and what they were covering up, or not covering up, as it were.

Now, I know the hipsters with street cred like to wear the baggy trousers. But I thought that was so 1998 or something, you know. It’s not as dated as wearing big ol’ clocks, or your clothes backwards, but still, it’s been around a lot.

But some BFE wanna-be’s still seem to sport the baggy trouser look. This guy was as well.

Shirtless.

So his undies were showing.

Ok, in my life, my boxers have been visible out and about. That was the rage back in the early 90’s, at least somewhere. I think I read it in Spin once, or maybe it was because then I was poor and had to make do with what I had to wear.

But these weren’t boxers. They were the infamous boxer briefs, sort of a sea foam green in color. How charming. And it wasn’t the bottom that was showing. It was the top.

And it wasn’t just the waistband that was visible.

Nope.

You definitely could see the outline of his junk.

Yes, ladies and gents, his pants were down PAST his hips.

This charming man was blithely talking on the phone, walking his dog, and basically showing his assets to anyone who drove by on Grant Avenue.

Quite a catch I’d say, eh?

Of course, I had to call the Queen of Pabst and Designerchica with the news. I know they are either married or in a serious relationship, but how could you pass up this guy, eh?

If he came to the door to date my daughters, I’d say, “PULL UP YER DAMN TROUSERS, YA FREAK!” and then slam the door.

Up the road a piece, I saw a young lady about the same age range. She looked to be walking briskly for exercise down the hill, and would probably run into the gentleman with the less than stellar sartorial eloquence, and get the rear view as well.

I think I’d probably go into a sprint.

Dudes, pull up your pants in public, please. You can be all quasi-gangsta in the privacy of your home, but I, nor does anyone else, want to see the outline of your junk in public.

Thanks, and have a good night / day.

 

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