10:23 a.m. - February 15, 2007
Today I’d like to inaugurate another semi-regular feature here on Smed’s Corner, where I deconstruct some lyrics of repute (or ill-repute) from songs of the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s.
SWEETER THAN SUGAR (Levine / Feldman)
Ok, we’re not done with the first verse and I have to call a time out. Now, soup can be hot, but no one eats soup when it’s boiling. What about gazpacho? I remember having a celebration soup at a Wabash event that was served at room temperature and it was divine.
Now, I think people tend to drink tea or coffee at a higher temp than they eat soup. Plus, there are things hotter than soup, of course. How about molten Carbon? That’s 3500 degrees Celsius, and I think Liz is hotter than that…ok, maybe she’s hotter than molten Tungsten (3410 degrees C). I don’t want to give her an ego!
And baby you're cooler
I may be wrong, but snow is very good at insulating things. Yes, it’s cold, but there are things much cooler than snow. Dry ice, anyone? How about liquid nitrogen? You can easily get your hands on that stuff, I’m sure. Just sayin….
That baby you're
So, you’re calling her Saccharin, or NutraSweet, basically? You know, I think I’d be a lot better if I’d call Liz my sweetie, instead of comparing her to a packet of Sweet ‘N’ Low or a can of Tab.
Ah, the cotton tail – the paragon of softness. Take THAT Mr. Whipple. Actually, I think the fur of a new kitten is pretty darn soft and cuddly, and well, um, Liz is right up there in softness. Well, except when she’s a badass, and deservedly so.
And you're so good lookin'
Ah, you know, if I sit there and stare at Liz for a while, she gets creeped out. I think most everyone would, if some wild eyed person kept staring at you because you’re all there. Besides, where the heck ELSE would you be. (Ok, I know some people do that Astral projection thing deal bit…but really…most normal folk’ll are just there, Heidegger be damned.)
And you're doin' me fine
Now wait just a gosh darn minute. This is a kid’s song (well, it’s bubblegum) and they say ‘do me outta my mind’. Um, what exactly are they doing? Don’t answer that, I’m still rated PG here. But it’s right up there with some of the lines in “Jingle Jangle” and “Bang Shang A-Lang” by the Archies.
And then the last line of the bridge where it jumps from “I love you” to “I love her”? You know, if you said that to your sweetie to her face, you’d get slapped at least. “Who is this ‘her’?” You best keep your pronouns straight, Mr. Levine.
REPEAT CHORUS X2
There are many more songs on tap, thanks to conspiring between Violet and me when I was formulating the idea. She had some wicked good ideas for songs (and yes, I used that phrase as a tribute to her time in Boston) and over the next few weeks we’ll definitely get into some cringe-worthy songs of the past.
Until then, hug your sweetie, no matter who or what it is. But lay off the aspartame and liquid nitrogen, OK?