10:01 a.m. - June 14, 2006
Because we do love television here at SmedCo, yet lament the dearth of quality shows (so that we’re stuck watching TiVoed episodes of Star Trek from the G4 Network), we put our brain trust together. We made a few calls, took a few lunches, and viola, SmedCo is announcing SmedCo Productions, and we are going to pitch these television ideas to the major and minor networks in the near future.
What is SmedCo offering the executives? What kind of quality television entertainment is in the pipeline? Just take a look at these offerings:
• We do not have a title for this yet, but we think this is our big winner. The promo line is “She’s a witch! She’s a lesbian! Together, they fight crime!” As you can tell, this is a Cagney & Lacey for the aughts! I see Garofalo and Fairuza Balk as the stars of this show. This one can’t possibly miss – gripping storylines, action, mystery, and, well, witches and lesbians! We just need to get a title that hooks you into the show. “Flannel and Spell” was tossed out there, but that doesn’t roll off the tongue.
• The Law & Order franchise continues to roll on, and we’re proposing two additional entries in the series. The first is Law & Order: Property Room, where we examine the fast paced world in the property room of the NYC Police Departments. Where is that old case file? Can the evidence from 1989 be found, and is it still usable in court? How about Scott Bakula as the lead, with someone like Wanda Sykes as his sidekick in the property room?
• The other one is Law & Order: Darlington, where the new town Marshall comes to town to fight crime in this small Indiana town. Watch him track speeders, serve bench warrants and keep his nose open for meth labs. Steve Zahn would be perfect, I think, as the lead.
• One idea we have in development is a show called The Gothies, where it follows the hilarious exploits of a Goth family living in the wacky suburbs of Milwaukee. Hilarity ensues when the father has to wear something other than black for a company function, and when the teenage daughter decides to start listening to Kelly Clarkson records.
• With the success of Deal Or No Deal, we think that the people are ready for really simple, easy game shows, so we’re proposing Make Your Choice. Todd Newton is the host. It’s a simple game. There are 10 dollar increments, starting at $100 and working up to $100,000. All the contestant has to do is choose “A” or “B”, and if the contestant makes the right choice, he wins that money and keeps going. If he makes the wrong choice, he loses it all. All they have to do is choose “A” or “B”. Sure, we’ll have the audience screaming out in a frenzy; bring out the person’s family to ‘help’ him. But it’s a simple choice to make, either “A” or “B”.
• Here’s a show with promise, called One Hit Wonder. It’s about a guy who made a one-shot hit record 15 years ago. He was totally overexposed, and now is trying to get on with his life. The problem is that the record was so bad, and people got so sick of it, that even to this day people are angry when they see it or hear it. This poses some interesting situations. Think of something worse than “Informer” or “Ice Ice Baby”. We need a young David Naughton to play the lead in this. Any ideas?
• One of my personal favorites is Bloggerman! , an action superhero show where our hero reads blogs either at work, or at home, and when he notices someone in trouble he transforms, goes through the monitor and the internet, and emerges at the other end to try to save the day, save lives, save relationships and help people with their personal problems. And of course, when he’s all done, he blogs about it, of course! That’s got to be a hit. Now, the lead has to be a bit nerdy, but rugged as well.
• Reality shows are always promising, so we thought about setting a reality show where contestants are given a list of 50 songs, and within one hour, have to come up with two CD mixes. They are judged on flow, content, and length. (You can’t shortchange the mix, only putting 1:10 on there when it will hold 1:19.30, you know). We’ll start with 24 contestants and eliminate two per show until the big MIX finale.
• With the success of The DaVinci Code, there’s no one hotter than Jesus right now. So what if Jesus WAS married to Mary Magdalene? And they had two kids, a teenage daughter addicted to MySpace and her cell phone, and a skate-rat teenage son that listens to nothing but nu-Metal? Let’s have Doug Benson and Jessi Klein, from Best Week Everstar, and John O’Hurley star as the Father, with Whoopi Goldberg as the Holy Ghost. Let’s call this The Son Of The Father. I think this will have the catch phrase of the year, “Don’t make me tell OUR FATHER on you!”
• The last idea is Smed’s Family, where we look at the hilarious hijinks of his family. Oh, wait, maybe that’s not such a good idea. I mean, look at all of these essays on this site. Is there any comedy in that? Any drama? Hah! No, seriously, we think this will be a smash hit. Of course, Katie and Kristin will be the big stars. Think Olsen Twins, except they’re not twins.