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5:47 p.m. - January 10, 2006
He Had Questions - Smed Had Answers
Recently, SmedCo (parent company of Smedís Corner Ė Smedís Corner, ask for it by name) received a call from a man who had read this advice column essay and said he was in dire need of help. Naturally, we agreed, because weíre always here to serve our customers.

So, we looked at the budget and flew the man into SmedCo world headquarters, BFE, Indiana.

He was a tall, skinny man, with horn-rimmed glasses and messy black hair. He was sweating a lot, and seemed nervous. The gentleman had a few nervous tics that manifested themselves throughout the visit.

We started in with the small talk, but he would have none of it. He desperately needed advice, and he felt Smedís Corner was the only place that could help him in his plight, so there was no time for chit-chatting, he proclaimed, so he started in with the questions.

And of course, we had the answers.

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Q: Well, how did I get here?

A: I guess you werenít paying attention, were you, out of the airport. I assume you knew what airport you came from, but when you landed you went down to baggage claim, carousel five, I believe. Thatís where I met you, and we went to the parking garage. From there, we wound our way around, took a right to get to the loop around the city and then bore left to go northbound. We then exited onto the freeway going to the world headquarters and drove on that for about 35 miles, exiting on the first exit. We turned left and followed that into town, turning right at the stop sign when the state road merged with the US Highway. We then followed the US Highway past downtown and the house here was on the left hand side, past the IGA a couple of blocks, but before you get to Uncle Smileyís (Home of the Big Oink).

The way back to the airport will be virtually the same, though we may get off one exit earlier and not use the actual airport exit. I know a shortcut that gets to the parking facilities and the terminal without going loop-de-loop.

Oh, and I wouldnít call my car large. Itís a CR-V.


Q: How Do I Work This?


A: Itís easy, just turn the crank for about sixty seconds, and then push that button. Itís pretty remarkable, really. Itís a flashlight that doesnít need any batteries. Iím going to put it in my car, just in case. If you push the button again, it becomes brighter. See? Pretty cool, eh?
Q: Where Is That Large Automobile?

Again, I wouldnít call it large. Itís just an old CR-V that has too much crap in it, and some CDs I need to sell back in the rear. Oh, and Liz drives an Accord, but thatís not really large either. Her car is probably in the garage. We (Liz, actually) cleaned it out so we could fit one car in there.

Yes, I know itís a beautiful house, and yes, I do think Liz is beautiful as well. Thanks!

Q: What is that beautiful house?

The question is what? Oh, OK. Itís an old Victorian house, built in 1872, with Italianate features. It used to have a grand front porch back in the day. It was built for a local merchant and was his summer home. It has six fireplaces and now just four bedrooms, but I bet had more back in the day. Over time, it was converted into a boarding house, then a duplex, before becoming one house again in the 70ís.

For a spell it was painted pink and purple. Thank goodness itís not anymore.

Q: Where does that highway go to?

This one, out here? Well, short term it takes you to Veedersburg if you turn left and to Mace and New Ross if you go right. Over the long haul, if you go right it will take you right into Indianapolis, about where we turned to go on the interstate. Left, it takes you through Illinois, Iowa, Missouri, winding up in Edison, Nebraska.

The other one in town, you go north and go to Linden, Romney and Lafayette. Go south, and go to Greencastle, but we call it Greendingle. Over the long haul, northbound it goes up to the region, near St. John, Indiana and going south you can take it all the way to Panama City, Florida. Road trip!

The interstate takes you to Indianapolis, as you know, and Danville, Illinois. Itís pretty short, as it connects Cincinnati to the Quad Cities. But I donít like taking interstates. Give me a US highway any day of the week.

Q: Am I right, or am I wrong?

Well, it all depends, sir. You are right that there is water at the bottom of the ocean, but I donít think you can remove it. And you are right, there is water underground. You know, that underground water is the staff of life, there under the rocks and stones. It helps plants and crops grow, and forms caves and other need ideas. Maybe you should talk to a hydrologist Ė I think thereís on that reads me on a regular basis. She can help!


Is that it? No, no, itís OK. You havenít done anything wrong. Well, I agree, this has been a once in a lifetime experience for me too.

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See, weíll do anything to please our customers! So have a good day, and be sure to ask for Smedís Corner by name! Youíll be glad you did.

 

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