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2:53 p.m. - January 08, 2006 I didn�t have a very cheery mid-morning after a good start to the day. I was getting dressed for church after a nice, long shower (it was amongst the pantheon of showers � no real time constraints, perfect water temperature, perfect sudsing) and I grabbed a pair of some good dress pants. As I buttoned them I noticed they were a bit tight. Ok, more than a bit tight. They were definitely as tight as an old pair of Jordache jeans were supposed to be. So I couldn�t wear them, really, without giving up breathing. And since it�s not Lent, I didn�t feel compelled to make that my sacrifice. Then I realized something. I�ve been a bit less than stellar in my eating habits over the past month or so. I know its easy to blame the holidays, so I�ll blame them, partially. But the holidays didn�t cause me to: � Decide to augment my �butter light� popcorn my wife bought with ACTUAL butter. So I�ve put on some weight. Now, I could blame that fact that the food I like to eat is all very much in the realm of �yummy but dangerous�. But I know that. I�ve been a pretty picky eater for almost all of my life. I�m a meat-and-potatoes guy for sure. Green stuff � feh. I do like a nice Caesar salad, but stuff like broccoli, forget it. Back in 2001, I went to the doctor for the first time in a long time. It was on the same day that I had to leave for Minneapolis to attend the memorial service of a close high school friend. My doctor basically said �fat, drunk and stupid ain�t no way to go through life, son�. (Well, not really. She was a nice, young doctor � a redhead even! And it was a thorough physical, so I felt compelled to tell my wife that a redheaded vixen younger than me told me to turn my head and cough. Actually, Liz really liked her, too, so I felt safe). Anyway, I was shocked that I hit the double century mark in weight. Why? When I graduated high school, I weighed 135 pounds. When I graduated college, I weighted 155 pounds. My dad and my sister are, shall we say, beanpoles, and my dad, for one, loved a lot of the foods I did, and more. But he also worked in a factory at a job, at times, that required some labor. Me, I sit on my ass and pound a bunch of keys for a living. Not exactly burning up the calories on a daily basis � but still� I, unfortunately, got my adult metabolism from my mother�s side. So I set out to get that corrected, and I did. I cut out Taco Bell. I halved my normal fast food orders. I took more walks. I started to play basketball. Withn 2 � years, I was down to 165 pounds. People did start to notice as well. But with kids, stress at work, etc. and the longing for a chili cheese burrito it�s gradually increased. So I�m at a crossroads again. Liz has done Weight Watchers successfully, and has always recommended that as a way to lose excess pounds. But I know me, and I know what I like to eat, and I know I don�t cotton to groupthink. (Not that there�s anything wrong with Weight Watchers, at all. It�s just not in my idiom, as it were.) So I�m going to devise my own plan. First, I�m going to walk to work whenever I can. I really should. It takes me less than 10 minutes to walk there, and I always have a lame excuse on why I don�t. (That could, right there, could develop rain and get me wet if I stop at every house on the way and beg for change). Second, I�m going to play one more game of basketball each day that I play (Monday and Wednesday). I can clear meetings out until past 1:30, so I�ll do that. Third, I�ll eat at my desk. I have a wide collection of soups at my desk. Now, Campbell�s Bean with Bacon may not be the paragon of health, but a can of that is certainly less calories and other icky stuff than my traditional $6.66 meal at Wendy�s. Fourth, I�ll eat breakfast more often. If I eat breakfast, I don�t feel compelled to eat the Chinese buffet out of General Tso�s Chicken. Fifth, I�ll cut out that beer or wine at 11:30 or so. That one extra can add on the pounds. Sixth, I have to treat bacon as a special occasion food. Geez, bacon is the king heroin of foods for me. I love whipping up a good breakfast with the trimmings, and I always pile on the bacon. I attend a lot of conferences, and they always have breakfast buffets that have unlimited bacon. At times, I push the envelope on unlimited bacon. Damn you, God, for making bacon so scrumptious. That�s one of your jokes, right? Hah, hah. A real knee slapper. If I follow these practices, by the time I need to see the doctor again (to refill my prescriptions and get the once over twice) I should be at a tolerable weight and my heart and bloodstream won�t threaten to secede. Because I just don�t want my new doctor yelling at me for being fat, drunk and stupid. I�ll take two out of three, but not the trifecta, thanks.
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