11:23 a.m. - November 17, 2005
What does it say about you that when you’re changing your daughter’s diaper, and the Dead or Alive song “Brand New Lover” comes on your iPod, you can’t help but sing out loud?
What does it mean when she smiles a big smile when you do that?
What does it mean that that song is even ON your iPod?
What does it say about you when you bound downstairs wearing a vintage game-worn Calgary Flames jersey (Dan Keczmer #39) and black PJ bottoms with smiley faces on them and your daughter laughs at you uncontrollably?
What does it mean when your wife does as well?
What does it mean when you complain about how hot the fall has been, and then when it does get cold at night you complain up a storm on how cold it is?
What does it mean when you argue with an almost-four year old, and lose? (It was a technicality, sure, but a loss is a loss.)
What does it say about you when you have so many movies TiVoed to watch later that you are running out of room, but you are loath to delete them because they’re classics. Not that they’ll ever be on TV again, no sir!
What does it say about you when you are so wrapped up in rooting for someone in a reality show, that you’re crushed when they turn into an idiot? (See Tana from the Apprentice or Ryan from the Apprentice: Martha Stewart)
What does it mean when you almost always root for the Iron Chef in the Japanese version, but against them in the American version of the Iron Chef?
What does it say about you that you actually root for someone on that show? (I can see rooting against Bobby Flay, for sure.)
What does it mean when you can almost recite the dialogue for the “Sticky Tape” episode of Dora the Explorer, and reference that episode every time you reach for the Scotch Tape?
What does it mean when you flip over to watch one of your favorite teams, and immediately they start losing?
What does it mean when you change the channel, and you later find out they won, and the only portion of the game they struggled in was the portion you watched?
What does it say about you when you need a haircut in the worst way, and you can’t reach your normal barber, but you are reluctant to go to another barber shop for fear of disloyalty?
What does it mean when your real life is imitating a mediocre Seinfeld episode?
What does it mean when you can quote that episode verbatim?
What does it say about you when you’re looking in a desk drawer for something at your office, and you find the first ever Friday New York Times Crossword that you finished?
What does it mean when that’s the ONLY Friday puzzle you ever finished without cheating?
What does it say about you when you ask your wife how she’s coming on ironing your shirts, when you could pick up the iron yourself and do the job?
What does it mean when you know that if you have an iron in your hand, calamity will ensue?
What does it say about you when you are just a couple of days away from turning the big 4-0, but you’ll be too busy with stuff at work and on campus to even think about the date?
What does it say about you when you secretly hope that people are work will surprise you on your 40th, even though it’s the Friday before Thanksgiving and you basically have been ho-hum about it all?
What does it say about you when you keep pooh-poohing that you’re going to turn 40, but can’t stop writing about it?
What does it mean when your daughter looks disappointed that you’re not going to have birthday cake on your birthday, because you don’t have time that day?
What does it mean when you think you’re this righteous alternative dude with all of this off-the-beaten-path music, and you’ve just downloaded some Carly Simon tunes?
What does it mean when next on your list is James Taylor and the Atlanta Rhythm Section?
What does it say about you when you have about three non-priority projects at work, but don’t have the gumption to start them, yet you can spend plenty of time on message boards and reading other peoples stuff?
What does it say about you when you check your non-work emails every hour to see if someone has left a comment or a note?
What does it say about you when you title this little trifle of an essay something clever, in the hope that maybe one or two people will get it, and you will be the cool-obscure-pop-culture-reference king, as always, in your own mind?
What does it say about you when you switch between ‘say about you’ and ‘mean’ in a silly little trifle like this, and you hope that no one is noticing the inconsistency?
What does it mean when you decide that consistency is for the birds?
What does it say about you when you really can’t think of a good way to end this essay?
I just did.