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7:52 p.m. - September 12, 2005
A Smed Dating Quiz
I was struggling with writing something about my dating days (or daze), but since I’ve been off the market since early 1993 (and 1992 was quite a blur), instead of a coherent essay about my trials and tribulations, I thought I’d just prepare a little quiz on my times when I was out there, dating, trying for relationships or something else.

So grab a #2 pencil, or a raw umber Crayola, and let’s get started:


1. Back in high school, Smed had this fear that he’d never be able to go to a prom, because, well, he lacked a certain confidence with the ladies. When all was said and done, how many proms did he wind up going to?

A. One
B. Two
C. Three
D. Four
E. Five – you stud you!

2. How many girls, ever, did he date from his high school that was in his same grade?

A. Zero – loser.
B. One
C. Four
D. Seven
E. All of ‘em – you stud you!


3. Between his junior and senior year, he dated three nice young ladies. Of these three, which one did he wind up dating after that summer?

A. The girl he dated off and on in high school that was then working in the police department and later broke her foot while on a run with the police?
B. The young lady who was working at a factory to raise money for school, and walked into his apartment after work, saw Smed and TC drinking a beer and playing a computer game on the Commodore 64, claimed Smed was just drinking to get drunk, even though it was 12:15 AM, and Smed had just opened his first beer after his work shift was over at the radio station.
C. A nice, talented (She was in theatre! A thespian!) young lady who he had his eye on for years, and who basically begged to ask her to prom his senior year in high school (but Smed had just asked someone the night before) and on their first date basically walked herself back to his bedroom. (Though nothing happened, alas, because Smed was a gentleman. Fool!)
D. All of the above – you stud you!
E. Sadly, none of the above.

4. What stupid ass foolish thing has Smed gotten away with when dating?

A. While casually dating two women, inviting both to the same party that he was hosting, because one said they couldn’t stay late, and the other said they wouldn’t be there until later. And of course, when the second woman arrived, the first was there!
B. While casually dating two women, knowing that one of them was going to be at this club seeing a particular band, inviting the other woman to go see that band because he wanted to see them too, and it was the other woman’s turn (in his mind).
C. While dating a woman (older woman, 10 years older than Smed at the time) that was going through a divorce, and who had only been with that one man since she was 18 before he cheated on her with his secretary, he put the mega-schwerve on during the second date.
D. All of the above – you lucky dog!
E. None of the above because he ain’t stupid, fool!

5. Smed basically played a coy, “I’m into you when it’s convenient for me, but I’m not that into you” game with this one girl for a few years. (Sadly, Smed realizes that he acted like a horses ass towards her, sigh.) However, things were looking up when Smed saw here late one night and they exchanged phone numbers. After a couple of calls, this girl wanted to drop by on her way home from work to say hi and see the place. However, Smed contracted chicken pox (this is true) and had to cancel. Knowing the history we had, what did this girl do?

A. Believed Smed, gave him empathy, and took a raincheck.
B. Came over anyway, since she was a nurse, and see what she could have done to ease my pain.
C. Believed Smed, said she was sorry, but didn’t take a raincheck.
D. Called him a liar, and say that I had been full of it for years.
E. Came over anyway, and tried to Lorena Bobbitt him.

6. Smed met a nice young nurse at a party (not the same nurse as in #6). After some party canoodling, we arranged to meet at a mall for another date. It was clear after that date that things weren’t going to really happen between us. How long did this dating relationship last?

A. It ended that day – we both cut our losses.
B. One more date – we just had to prove it to ourselves that we weren’t compatible.
C. Two more dates.
D. Three months, because there were no attractive alternatives for either of us at that time.
E. I don’t know if you’d call it a date, really.

7. Smed put a personal ad in the alternative newspaper in Indianapolis. He received a nice reply from a young lady, who was a nurse at a local hospital. (Smed loved his nurses!) We talked on the phone for two hours and then set a date. We wound up having a great time, and we soon became an item (she was the drunken New Orleans phone call I alluded to last week). However, it soon came to light that she was having some dalliances, and Smed put an end to it. Who did she dally with?

A. Her ex-fiancé
B. Her best friend (female).
C. Her best friend (male).
D. Both A & B
E. All of the above.

8. Smed and Moose helped to coach a ladies softball team one season. The team kicked ass and won the league and we had a ball with them, going out and partying with the team all of the time. Smed and Moose each developed a crush on two of the women on the team who were going through some crap, and we were a big shoulder to cry on. How many actual dates did Smed and Moose have with those women on that team during or after the softball season?

A. Zero.
B. None.
C. Nil.
D. Bupkis.
E. Are you kidding?


Answers:

1. E – Five. Yes FIVE proms! I was the king of the six-digit dial, and hang up before you dial the seventh digit. Once in a while, I also heard it ring once and then hung up. Ladies and gents, I had no confidence, at all. However, somehow, someway, I wound up going to five proms in my life, and none since 1986.
2. A – Sadly, zero. I DID ‘go out’ with someone from my grade in 7th grade, but he moved to California in 8th grade. Other than that, I dated girls from other high schools and in lower grades but not once from my class. Well, I did have a prom date with one from my grade but that was mainly as a friend. At least I’m telling myself that.
3. E – This was a question of timing. I first started seeing A, but her schedule and her injury really prevented us from seeing each other much. I then started to see both B and C, but thought that B was more my type until she pulled that drinking beer to get drunk crap out of her kiester. I then tried to go back to C, but that ended because one night she was over and we had a couple of beers and I took her home and her mom smelled the beer on her breath (she was only 19) and from that time on she was ‘never home’ when I called.
4. D – Yes, all of the above. In scenario A the ‘early’ girl laughed it off, knowing that she stayed later than she said she would, and that we never claimed exclusivity at that time. We wound up having a very nice and groovy relationship for almost two years, and were madly in love with each other for a time. In scenario B, I was honest with both of the women and said that I was going to this club with this person, and you may see this other person. I don’t know if they were disarmed by my frankness or my chutzpah, but I saw both of them a few times after that. (Actually, for one of them a VERY long time. In fact, I’m seeing her now!) In scenario C, I did go a bit fast for her, but we dated for a couple of months before she realized that it may be years before she got comfortable with another man, and she didn’t want to make me go through that.
5. D – Because of our history, I don’t blame her. Looking back, I can’t believe I treated her like that, and she’s the only girl I ever played that game with. I regret it to this day, because she was nice and sweet and really did like me. I think the issue was that because she was so sweet I didn’t want to hurt her feelings and tell her that I wasn’t that into her in a dating sense. Of course, by not telling her that hurt her even more. Why I did that, I don’t know.
6. D – Pathetic wasn’t it. We dated each other because we felt there was no one else to date, and we were too lazy to look. Liz is my opposite in many ways, a bit shy and reserved. This woman makes Liz seem like one of the “Pick-A-Little, Talk-A-Little” girls from the Music Man.
7. D – But can you guess which dalliance I was most upset by, and which was I cool with when she told me? (She told me the cool one first!) This girl was rather freaky, as on our first actual date she told me, flat out, that the one place she wanted to do it in was a changing room at a department store. During that same date, she told me that “I couldn’t sleep with her” then proceeded to define sleeping with her much the same way that an ex-President defined it, so to speak.
8. E – These women basically used us as sounding boards to talk about how badly their boyfriends or men in general were treating them, using them, and making them feel like objects and not reciprocating in general love and affection. Of course, Moose and I felt that to make a move towards a romantic relationship would only cement the feeling in their minds that men were slime and were only in it for one thing. So we suppressed our longings and became friends.


Well, how did you score? Ah, who cares, really? That’s all in the past. Chalk almost all of them up to lessons learned. To this day, I’m bewildered I got out of my dating days alive, sane, and unscarred.

 

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