2:20 p.m. - August 29, 2005
Life Is Just A Fantasy...A Football Fantasy
Last night I indulged in an annual rite.
My fantasy football league draft.
Now, before everyone runs away in fear, I know that there�s only one more thing annoying than hearing people talk about their fantasy football team � and I can�t think of it right now. And I�m not going to go into minutiae about this player or that player or the other.
(Don�t worry if you�re not into football or sports, I�ll try to keep this entertaining. Well, as entertaining as my other stuff. Ok, be worried.)
To explain to the novices, fantasy football is a game where you draft a team of NFL players, create lineups, and play games against others in your league using the actual players� performances from that week. It�s becoming quite popular (which is the understatement of the year) but it still befuddles Liz.
�So you draft these players?�
�Yes.�
�And how they do on Sunday is what the scoring is based on?�
�Yes.�
�So you�re totally dependent on other people to do well for you to do well, right?
�Yes.�
�Does the phrase �get a life� mean anything to you and your friends??�
Ah, gotta love the familial support.
I�ve been involved in fantasy sports since I was in college. I used to be super-serious about fantasy baseball. At one point I was involved in three leagues that cost about $50 per league (which is somewhat small potatoes for some leagues, but still a lot of money to someone right out of college). At one point, I drove to St. Louis to attend the draft of a baseball league. Get a life, indeed!
The main league I that I participated in was based in Columbus, Indiana. So every year in April I would drive down there and spend about 5 to 6 hours of quality time with people who I only saw once a year, and the only thing I had in common with them was that I was in this fantasy league.
These baseball drafts were �auction� style drafts, where you put a player up for bid and then you�d go around the room upping the price. You had a certain dollar limit (the league entry fee) and after a while money got tight and the tension became palpable. Especially for me, since I was the only one who drank any beer during these things. I couldn�t get anyone else to take the edge off. �C�mon, have a beer. Also, you really really want Dana Kiecker, don�t you? Don�t you?�
The drafts were great fun, especially if you were drafting a good team and others were tight on money. Then you got to pile on the snark, and I did load on the snark (imagine that!) In fact, to this day, I could email one guy from this league with just the subject line �Ted Higuera� and I could still send him into a 20-minute rant and rave about it. Heeee!
An important aspect of these leagues is coming up with a clever name for your team. For years I always used the moniker �Smedley� for my team names (now you see where Smed came from � Smedley was a college nickname and Smedley is the name of a tiny spot on the map in Indiana near Salem. There�s a church and a grain depot. Who-hoo!). So for one league I was the Smedley Ghandis. Another the Smedley Gorbies (after Mikhail Gorbachev). A third was the Smedley Gumbies, Damnit! The longest lasting one was the Smedley Gwosdz, named after a catcher named Doug Gwosdz. (It�s pronounced gooosh!) No kidding, his name was Gwosdz. Click HERE and I can prove it! Go ahead, I�m waiting.
But I soon got tired of coming up with variations on that and so I branched out. I�ve named teams after my vacations (when I drove to Alaska I got about three seasons of names from the places I saw in Alaska and the Yukon) and named them after my daughter. (I had a fantasy hockey league team named Katie�s Kitty Cats � we led the league in penalty minutes.)
My current football team is the Alamogordo Mutants. I thought it was apt since it was 60 years ago that we blowed up something real good there in Alamogordo, and boy did that cause a lot of fun around the world, eh?
I�m only really in one pay fantasy league right now � this fantasy football league. I do have some online fantasy baseball and hockey teams but I don�t take them that seriously. Well, by not seriously I only spend 10 to 15 minutes a day futzing with them. See, not serious at all.
The guys in this football league are nice guys � but a little odd. When I ran the stat crew for the Indianapolis Ice (minor league hockey) most of them worked for me (well, it was all volunteer, but I just organized the chaos). Most of them are Butler grads. The scary thing is that while I am a self-proclaimed sports nerd geek-boy � these guys put ME to shame. Actually, there are two wives that play in this league now as well, but only one is active in drafting (and she�s in Nashville and does it remotely, so it�s just all male bonding here).
The fantasy football draft I was in last night was a straight draft � no auctions � just draft when your name came up. But there�s always a lot of smack being talked (especially if people weren�t there and were drafting by phone and the �net) and some interesting pop-culture references. I think at least three John Cusack movies were referenced, as well as countless references of Hoosiers, Bull Durham, and other sports movies. But this exchange had the lads in stitches.
�I draft Keenan McCardell, wideout, San Diego.�
�Hey, wasn�t he the original Broadway lead in Annie??�
�No, that was Andrea McCardle, but she was a top pick in the Tony Award Fantasy draft back in the day!�
(Ok, we�re lame�so sue us!)
There were pizza eaten and beers drunk (I was forced to bring Corona, because that�s all we had in the house and in Indiana, you can�t buy beer in a store on Sunday � that�s an entry coming up soon, for sure! Bringing Corona to a fantasy football draft is like serving Spam at an art opening. It don�t fly!) and a good time was had by all. And that�s what�s important � well that and the fact that I�m going to moider all dem bums this year!
Oh, my team? Ladies and gentlemen, your Alamogordo Mutants! (In case you care, and if you�re still reading I think many of you are either just being polite, or your browser is stuck...)
QBs � Trent Green (KC), Drew Brees (SD), Kyle Orton (CHI) � After my three keepers (we get to keep just three players from last years team) Green was my first round pick, and I stole (thieved, absconded) Brees a few rounds later. Many things were thrown at me, but I did not care. Good QBs are a premium, and you don�t want to be stuck with the guy who is going to be trying to sell you financial planning advice in a few years after he�s run out of the league.
RB � LaDanian Tomlinson (SD), Edgerrin James (IND), Michael Bennet (MIN), Stephen Davis (CAR). Tomlinson and James were two of my keepers. I only need the others in case the worst happens (and it did a few years ago, when James and two others of my backs were hurt � I signed everyone. I would have even signed Vicki, because she�s got a big heart and is good in the locker room, amongst other sports clich�s, and has some breakaway speed).
WR � Ashlie Lelie (DEN), Terrell Owens (PHI), Derrick Mason (BAL), Eric Parker (SD). I finally decided to make Owens my last keeper, which totally goes against every principle I have in the book. I hate selfish me-first players, because it�s not about THEM. (It�s actually about ME!) I do think that Ashley Lelie has a pretty name, and that made my wife happy.
TE � Dallas Clark (IND), Matt Schobel (CIN). I needed a tight end and I realized that the tight end for the best offense in the NFL was undrafted, so I snuck right in there and snagged him. I love highway robbery.
K � Ryan Longwell (GB), Todd Peterson (ATL). The idea is to get a kicker for a team that won�t be THAT good in that they score a lot of touchdowns, but good enough so they kick a lot of field goals. I have a feeling Green Bay is that team.
DEFENSE � Carolina, Minnesota. You gotta have one. Actually, I think Minnesota may be a better pick. I think if I pick 11 random people in my life, I could come up with a scheme and prevent the Bears from scoring a touchdown, and the Vikings get to play them twice.
Hey, you�wake up. Yeah, you�re the only one still reading this�get outta here!.
