1:01 p.m. - July 21, 2005
I’ve been trying to follow that advice that was given to me on Tuesday.
I have been a bit of a stress-ball, which led to some drama, which I hope was resolved here in Cedar Rapids, FINALLY! There have been and are a lot of things piling on in my life and I was dragging people into my morass by trying to hard, stressing and flaking out, and other things.
I felt I wasn’t myself.
I was worried about how I’d do presenting at this conference, but I got some great feedback and I hope my reviews are good. I was shocked and honored to be asked to present, and I was worried that I wasn’t going to measure up. I think I did measure up!
I have to write some chapters in a book as well – and haven’t started on those yet. They will be done, Guru-sir, I just needed to get these presentations out of the way.
Coupled that with the general stress of the time of year at work, plus the stress of a 6-week old baby (along with a 3 ˝ year old) it’s plausible that I could be a bit wiggy.
And I have been. And I tried to explain that to someone Tuesday – that she hadn’t seen the real me because I was a stress machine. And she said “Be who you are!”
So, I’ve resolved not to be a wigged-out person anymore. Or at least try not to be. I’m going to let some friendships that I’ve made breathe and grow on their own and not try to force themselves – and settle down my life a little bit.
Yeah, there are some life changes going on!
So last night I had an enjoyable time at a dinner and at a piano bar and was not forcing my persona on anyone. I was trying to be relaxed and myself.
I talked to Liz late last night. Katie woke up and was worried that I would forget how to come home. Not a problem, I assured her. Liz was a little stressed herself but I think she’s over the hump, except that I get to be Dad for 24 hours in a row while she sleeps!
Today I gave the last of my presentations and I thought they went well. Then I proceeded to the faculty firing line, which was pretty good.
Well, except for the part where a dear person used a quote of mine.
At some point, I said, “I should have left when you did.” And she quoted me on that and a roar from the crowd came. Well, at least they’ll remember ME!
That kind of tells you the hours I have been keeping this week!
So I think I was being myself more than I have been.
And of course, while being myself, I locked my keys in the car.
I hope that’s not who I am going to turn out to be in the long run!